Hot Frosty

[00:00:00] Loneliness and social isolation are widespread problems in the U.S. The Surgeon General says it has reached epidemic proportions. In partnership with ABC News and our ABC-owned station group, we're launching a year-long initiative dedicated to addressing this issue that affects so many in our community. Circle of Health reporter Denise D'Or gives an overview of what we're facing. In a world where we have more ways to seemingly connect, why do nearly half of U.S. adults say they struggle with loneliness?

[00:00:30] Loneliness is a great masquerader. We shouldn't assume that just because someone is surrounded by people, because they have happy pictures that they're posting on social media, that they aren't struggling with loneliness. U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says feeling disconnected is pervasive among teens, people in the workplace, those in the sandwich generation, and the elderly. Besides affecting you mentally and emotionally, years of research shows loneliness can have devastating effects on one's physical health. It's been linked to a heightened risk of premature death.

[00:01:00] It increases your risk of heart disease, of dementia, of stroke. The impact is felt in a variety of ways, but the director of belonging at USC says it all may be helped with one thing. Meaningful relationships are the number one thing. Not your income level, not your celebrity status. Kat Moore says thanks to social media, many people are hyperconnected. But it's not the number of connections that matter. It's how many of those connections are meaningful.

[00:01:27] Being able to take acquaintance level friendships into deep friendship is a skill. Dr. Murphy has laid out a national strategy to advance social connection. It includes developing more meat friendly parks and libraries, more paid family leave, and research to address social isolation. One idea? Work on making daily micro connections. It could be a small act of giving someone a hand when they spill their coffee. It could be noticing that your neighbor is having a hard time.

[00:01:55] These small acts of helping other people, they actually help us. Moore believes the ultimate solution begins with thoughtful introspection. Ask yourself why you feel lonely. What do you need in your life right now? What kind of friends are you wanting or needing? What kinds of mentorships? Who's on your heart that you want to help? Experts say tackling loneliness involves each one of us. In the coming reports, we'll look into the varieties of loneliness and how it affects people in all walks of life.

[00:02:25] Ladies and single ladies. Oh, you know what time it is. It's dealer's choice. From the ashes of that male effigy you built out of wood, it's scraping the vault. You set the wood on fire. He burned up. And then from the pile of ashes, a new boy arose. And now you're not alone. You got that hot, hot, ashy fan.

[00:02:56] Anyway. This episode brought to you by Jurgens. This episode brought to you by Jurgens. Yeah. I'm your host, Audrey. Along with me are more hosts. Guess who it is? It's Jimmy. Hey, Audrey. I am that burning boy. And oh, here's our other host. It's Dan. Hi. I'm ashy as hell. Well, y'all, let's put on some hand lotion. Well, let's do it. Keep the hand lotion close by.

[00:03:27] Grab a box of tissues. Oh, yeah. 30 seconds to put on. Wait, this is a masturbation joke. No. What are you talking about? Lotion and tissues? We're just going to watch a heartfelt movie and moisturize. We might get a tear in our eye. I'm getting some hand lotion rubbing. We did have that clip about loneliness. Yeah. All of our listeners who have misphonia are now screaming because they're like hearing hand-bright sounds. I've got it.

[00:03:56] But all I did was, it's ASMR. Ah! Mmm. So moist. Mmm. Listener, make sure you don't want to be ashy. Don't be ashy. That's not how you find love in the big city or the small city. That's how you- A medium-sized city? Is that Jason's nephew's nickname? Huh? Oh, ashy. Ashy. Oh, ashy. Hey, what's up, little ashy? Come on. What's his nickname? How is that kiddo? Is he driving yet?

[00:04:26] Oh, he's doing great. No, he's perpetually 10 years old. Oh, goodness. You know, he's not alone. Some people remain 10 years old emotionally, right? It is true. It is true. Which is why there's such a demand for these kinds of movies. Am I right? All right. Sorry. All I could think of- Here's me coming in super hot again. Super hot. Audrey, here, all I could think of when I was watching this is, why wasn't this my choice? Yeah.

[00:04:55] I was almost thinking the same thing. This is a- This is a very Jimmy-coated movie. It is 100%. I'm watching it ear-to-ear grins the whole time. Like, why wasn't this my idea? Well, speaking of ideas- Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. No, no, no. I was just going to do the thing, but go ahead. Do the thing. I was just going to jump in, but if we have pre-thing thoughts, then let's do them. Thing thought. Thing thought. Yeah, I was excited.

[00:05:24] My friend told me about this movie because I was like, ah, what am I going to make the guys watch? Is it another anime? Is it another Ghibli movie? And I was like, I think Akita is too intense right now. You guys probably aren't down with that. And then he was like, oh, I'll hook you up. You got to watch Hot Frosty on Netflix. It's about a snowman that melts and turns into a man. And I'm like, sign me up. What could be dumber? What could be dumber? That's an excellent question.

[00:05:54] I think that's something that we need to address as we go forward in this episode. What did, Jimmy, what did you think this movie was going to be? Dan? Exactly what it was about. Yeah, me too. Beat for beat, scene for scene. Yeah. That's exactly what I thought it was going to be. It checks all of the boxes. It sure does. It does. Except for a few, which I'll get into.

[00:06:23] Speaking of checking boxes, let's check this box in the show. Frosty at Snowman has had a number of iterations, but it hasn't been around that long, actually. His origin started in 1950, actually, when someone wrote a song about, it was written by Steve Jack Rollins.

[00:06:53] Is there a connection? Probably. Why not? He also is known for writing Here Comes Peter Cottontail, Frosty the Snowman. Was recorded by Gina Autry, the same singer who recorded Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, also from this show. The same song was covered by Nat King Cole, The Beach Boys, Ray Conniff, Cocteau Twins. Fans of the Cocteau Twins, that song will feel like you're having a stroke, by the way. There was a television special. Everyone watched it. Everyone loves it.

[00:07:23] The story is basically, let's see, Frosty was a happy snowman, corncob pipe, button nose, and eyes of coal. You've heard the song. Joltan built him, and he walked around, and he did stuff, and then Santa came, and he's like, okay, here you go, happy ending. What we might forget about, though, is that we have Frosty's sequels. There was Frosty's Winter Wonderland. He comes back to the North Pole to see the kids again. Frosty and Rudolph's Christmas in July.

[00:07:52] That was in 1979. Frosty returns. He's back with a vengeance. Actually, no. He comes back to life in a snow day after a magic cat lands on a snowman. There we go. Legend of Frosty the Snowman. 2004. Children of Frosty's travels to the town of Evergreen. He befriends a young Tommy. Although magic is outlawed in Evergreen, Frosty shows them that magic does exist.

[00:08:24] I have two thoughts. Yeah. Thought one. The guy who wrote the poem, Frosty the Snowman, his name was Jack? Yes. And that's the main character's name in this movie. Not a coincidence. That's like a Main Street window right there. Second thing. That song is 100% played at that volume at Disney California Adventure for seven weeks. It should be. That's the most beautiful AI song ever.

[00:08:52] That was actually, yes, that was from Asher's Real and Cool Christmas Dance Party, which you can hear on the Supreme Resort feed. Christmas Day. You can listen to it on everything except for Spotify, which took it down because they thought I was secretly trying to release an album. Oh. Damn. Don't give us any good ideas, Spotify. They thought Asher was. They thought Asher was. The man bringing us down. Yep.

[00:09:18] It should and probably will at some point be played at DCA Christmas time. I thought all of the music in the movie was AI. I thought the movie itself was AI. There's definitely some music, Jimmy. There's like music in it. I can't think of an example right now because it's very not rememberable. I couldn't get past the glorious dialogue. Oh, it's so good. Yeah.

[00:09:46] It felt like I was watching a middle school play interpretation of a Hallmark holiday classic. Yeah. Did I tell you guys about the improv show I saw in Austin? No. Oh, it was great. Austin, Texas. They did an improvised Hallmark movie. You didn't see an improv show in a guy named Austin. Not yet, but we'll see.

[00:10:14] I see an improv show in here. Maybe if your husband dies with cancer. Oh, no. It was the Comic Sans spot that gave him cancer. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, well, I think we'll get, we will most likely get to that. But just in case we don't, he pulls out the medical record and it's in one of the only fonts that you would never find.

[00:10:45] It may as well be Comic Sans. Yeah. Yeah. It could have been a Currier New, but that's not this movie's speed. Times New Roman. So what was the improv show you saw? Sorry. Yeah. It was a improvised Hallmark movie. So like they had like, what's our main character's name? What's her job? What's the name of the town? What's their quirk? You know, like what is this town known for?

[00:11:14] And then the whole thing had the same beats. It's like the girl arrives out of town. She ends up in this lodge and like everyone is there to serve her and help her find the love of her life. She finds the love of her life. There's like hijinks. They have a falling out. They get back together. They kiss the end. So. All right. Well, that was scraping the vault, everybody. Concierge, 856 Our Ears. Other shows on the network.

[00:11:41] Now, I have an interesting relationship with Hallmark movies because the person, the people that I'm currently living with. How do I make this not sound? I already just made it sound weird. Whatever. Whatever. The home that I invaded and that I live in. Cohabitors? Habitants? Cohabitants. I'm just going with full terrifying. The bodies. Living bodies.

[00:12:11] The bodies in the home. For now. No. They. One of them for some time was watching Hallmark, the Hallmark channel. It was just like on all the time. And I was like, I was thinking like, how do I, because I gauge kind of what my relationship with people may be by with humor, as I think a lot of people do. And I think these movies are ridiculous and dumb.

[00:12:37] And they're like, it's like if you took the lifetime movie trope and removed the sense of dread that all of them. You just have this. Meredith Baxter, Bernie. Yeah. And she actually called it out. She was like, you know what? I know these are stupid, but like I just have them on in the background and it's something that you can engage with for like a couple minutes. And it doesn't matter if you pay any attention or a little bit of attention.

[00:13:06] It's just like wallpaper. And like there's just enough emotional depth or humor or like, you know, every five minutes you get some emotional reward. And I was just like, oh, okay. It's like ambient music. I get this. You get it well. Yeah. So. It's like wallpaper. It is. It's like wallpaper. Watching paint dry. So a lot. Less so than that. I think it's.

[00:13:36] Yeah. We'll get into it as we go on. But I did have an interesting journey with this movie because I really disliked it profoundly at the beginning. And then as it went on, I was like, oh, it's just this. So that then that's fine. Mm hmm. So hot frosty. First of all, Audrey, thank you for. Thank you for the. I wish I could remember who told me to watch it because they deserve all the praise and thanks.

[00:14:05] So Nobel Prize, I think is the word you're looking for. Exactly. Yes. Get this person a Nobel Prize. Hot Frosty is a 2024 American Christmas romantic comedy film directed by Jerry. Chichoriti. Go, Jerry. He directed like 14 episodes of Schitt's Creek. So he's got some credibility. Mm hmm. He knows comedy. It was. Yeah, he does. It was written by Russell Hainline and starring Lacey Chaubert.

[00:14:35] Star, of course, of Mean Girls. And 1998 Lost in Space. The cool girl. Pepper Potts or whatever her name is. Penny. Penelope. Penny. Anyway, I love that movie so much. And as aforementioned, she was the Jennifer Love Hewitt character in Not Another Teen Movie. She's also a voice actress. I think she does a couple of different animated characters, but I can't. That makes sense. That makes sense.

[00:15:03] And then Dustin Milligan, who is Hot Frosty himself. Katie Mixon Greer, Lauren Holly, etc., etc. Craig Robinson. I want to give a special shout out to Craig Robinson, who is the sheriff. Police chief. The new sheriff in town. Chabert plays Kathy, a widow who counters her loneliness with a magical snowman brought to life. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah.

[00:15:31] It doesn't waste much time getting to this. No. Which I appreciate. I mean, we all know what it's going to be. Like, from the poster, you know what this movie is going to be. So just get to it. Right? Mm hmm. The establishment of it was well done. She wakes up. She's cold. Okay. She doesn't have any heat. Let's pull back. Okay. What do you mean by well done? Well, okay. Efficient is what I mean. It was efficient. Okay. Okay. Because a lot of times when you're place setting and you're establishing things, it's like,

[00:16:00] it's like, oh, hi, I noticed that you're cold today because your heat is broken because your husband died and he was a handyman. Like, right. You know, it does it more efficiently. They just show it. They don't tell it. Show, don't tell. Thank you. She's cold. She wakes up from a slumber. Alarm goes off. A la Groundhog Day. Same old, same old. She's cold. She goes from her warm blankets to her shoulder blankets. She walks down the stairs.

[00:16:30] She has to go over the step that's broken. She walks by the thermostat that says, call the repairman today. She has to switch out the bucket from the chair because of the leaky roof, et cetera, et cetera. So it's just, it's all very Groundhog Day-ish. This would have hit harder if the exterior shot of the house was a little bit less clean and new looking. Because it looks like a new build from the outside and then the outside, inside is like falling apart. Sure.

[00:16:57] Except when you look next door and they got all their together. They have their Christmas lights up. And their Christmas lights are, exactly. That means you've got your shit together, Audrey. But I'm looking at the structure itself. The building looks pristine. Because it's not dilapidated. Well, I mean, let's direct you to Walt Disney's Disneyland. The Haunted Mansion looks great on the outside. Yeah. Let the ghosts manage from the inside. All right. Sorry, that was a weak argument.

[00:17:25] No, I can kind of see it both ways because like, I think it's implied that the death of her husband is semi-recent. Like, it didn't just happen. No, it wasn't last week. Right. So, I think we're starting to see the decay. Let's get really deep about this. Okay.

[00:17:49] I think we're starting to see the decay from the inside that will possibly in later years, should the, you know, the adorably autistic snowman not come into her life. Then, then it would fall into absolute shambles and disrepair. But the outside of that house is exposed to the elements. The inside of the house would stay in better condition.

[00:18:18] But, but, but on like a metaphorical level, the inside of her, her spirit and her heart, her soul is crumbling a little bit. Crumbling. She's functioning. The outside looks just fine. Right. Exactly. Because she doesn't have a man. Maybe that's... The house, she is the house, Audrey. She's crumbling from the inside. Flying on the outside. There's an empty hole in the house that needs to be filled by some man. A man-sized hole. A man-sized hole that only a man can fill.

[00:18:49] Exactly. That's the message. Yes. You know what? If you also have a man-sized hole. The hole in the stairs that she has to step over? Yeah. You know what could fix that? A man-sized man. A man-sized, a frosty penis could fit right in that. Break it off because it's just made of ice. Don't even get me started on that whole idea. His whole body is cold. His whole body. That would be very unpleasant.

[00:19:18] But they're a little inconsistent with that. I guess you're right. What I thought the whole time is like, he's cold because he's a snowman. Right. So he's cold. Yeah. I guess we haven't gotten that far yet. How is this going to work? Because eventually, you know, they're going to... So how is it going to work? It's basically... It's like a different version of the Hulk. You know? But see, like the whole relationship... Okay. Well, the Hulk is very large. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Until? Well...

[00:19:48] Except for in one place. Maybe. That's it. Maybe that's why he's angry. That's why he always wears shorts. Yeah. Because he doesn't want you to see. There it is. And that's why he's so angry all the time. Proportionally speaking, he's always Bruce Banner down there. Right. That's why he's so angry. Like, what the fuck? I thought it would work on that too. And it's the only thing that doesn't turn green. It turns a completely different color.

[00:20:17] It's always purple. That's why his shorts are purple. Okay. We didn't watch the Hulk, people. We watched... Hot Frosty. And I was so excited to watch. Well, no, I was not looking forward to it. But when I turned it on, I had a grin from ear to ear the whole time. I enjoyed most of it. I loved it. And... But it's just my kind of movie. Loved it. This is my kind of movie. Will I watch it again? Yes, I will. Will it be today? Very likely.

[00:20:47] I... But this is going in the roster for the holidays. I could see that. I... I can't say that I... I did hate it at the beginning. I thought, this is awful. The writing's awful. Everything's too obvious about it. But then when that, like, the Hallmark movie thing clicked in, it's like, oh, that's what they're doing. It's the wallpaper. It's the wallpaper thing. And so I started treating it like wallpaper and just, like, kind of engaging with it here and there. And it was fun.

[00:21:16] On the subject of wallpaper, in the movie, one thing that really annoyed me was all of the props and set decorations were, like, 10% too large. Like, all of their name tags... Oh, yeah. All of their name tags were just a little too big. And it started to scream... Did it not feel like she was a contestant on the prices, right? Yes. A little bit. I can't feel that. Now that you say that... And then all of the, like, restaurant signage was just a little bit too big. All of it. It was weird. All the signs of the town. It was funny.

[00:21:46] It's for all the horny old ladies in the town. I guess... Well, and there were a lot of them. Oh, man. There were a lot of elements of Groundhog Day to that end. Gobbler's Knob, it felt very, you know, small time. The name of the town was Hopeville, I believe. Hope Falls. Hope Springs. Hope Falls, excuse me. No, it was Hope Springs, wasn't it? Uh, let's say both. Hope we will. So just in spirit of fairness, I did... I was...

[00:22:15] When I started seeing that Hallmark thing, I really wanted it to be almost like a parody of that Hallmark trope. I'm not saying that it should have been. The not another teen movie of Hallmark movies. Yeah. And I'm not saying it should have been, but it... That would have been more overtly entertaining, I think. You know, here's what I appreciate. Here's what I respect about it, is that it's a ridiculous premise. Yes.

[00:22:44] But they just jumped in and embraced it immediately. Yeah. Goes to the doctor. What's wrong with him? He's a snowman. Just accept it. Right. And I think the thesis statement of the movie was said by the doctor. She's like, wouldn't it just be... Don't we all just need a little bit more magic in our lives? Like, just accept this. Right. This is just the way it is. It's a movie. And that was to the audience. Just accept it. It's a movie. Just enjoy it. But it's fine. We all know it's dumb. But if you accept the premise of what it is and it's ridiculous, then just enjoy it.

[00:23:14] Yeah. It's sort of like... And this is one of the things that really works for the movie Looper, which I don't know if you've seen it or not. It's a good movie. You should see it. It's the movie where... What's his name? The kid from Third Rock for the Sun who's no longer a kid. He has three names. That's how that works. Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yeah. Oh, I got it. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Yeah, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Yeah, him. Him. Robin. He plays a young version of Bruce Willis.

[00:23:44] And Bruce Willis is in the future. And there's time travel involved. And he has to go back and work with his old self. And there's this great scene where the two of them are talking. And Jonathan Taylor Thomas just keeps asking who's... It might as well be him. She's like, well, okay. How does... But what about this? What about this for time travel? What about... And Bruce Willis is just like, it doesn't matter. Okay?

[00:24:11] And that was a really good way around that problem in the movie of just being like, look, yeah, we could get into that. We could talk about your hand disappearing or whatever. But that's not what this movie is. It doesn't matter. Let's go forward. And this movie kind of addressed that. Suspend disbelief and just sit back and enjoy. That's what did it for me. It addresses it too. It's just like, okay, yeah, we get that this is an issue. But let's just pretend it's not and tell the story. Yeah. That's it. That was it for me. It was five minutes into the movie.

[00:24:40] And it was like, okay, I'm in. I'm in. By this point, we've seen Jack come alive, right? That's right. Well, because he's in the doc. Let me, let's just get started. Yeah. Kathy Barnett or Barrett. Sorry. Kathy Barrett is her name. She runs Catherine's Cafe. That's Catherine with a K, cafe with a K. It always reminds me of The Simpsons. It is Krusty's comedy classics. Krusty spelled with a K. Yep.

[00:25:08] I just want, I always want there to be a third K just for jokes. Anyway, it's in downtown Hope Springs. Audrey, Hope Springs. Hope Springs. Got it. This is Hope Springs, New York. Did you get that? I got that when I saw a license plate. It was very Ohio coded, but I got that it was a. And why were all the cars from the 70s? Because it's timeless. It's timeless. Just like cars from the 70s. They're timeless.

[00:25:36] Just like the cell phones are timeless. They're timeless. Well, if you notice, he had a flip phone. He did. That's right. He did? Was it set this year? Yeah. 20 years ago. Yeah. Craig Robinson took a picture of him in the cell with a flip phone. And he says, I got you right where I want you. Because he wants him in jail. So I wouldn't say that this movie is good in the traditional sense. Again, I. No. It's terrible. Right, right. I'm just putting that critical lens on it. I.

[00:26:04] But to its credit, in a lot of ways, I think a lot of things are purposeful, which might seem lazy, like the flip phone, like the old cars, like, you know, it looks like Ohio, but it's New York when you see a license plate. Well, 2024 Ohio is like 1970s. It's true.

[00:26:47] It's true. The sort of actors who would be in the parody, like the, I forget her. Lacey Chubbier. I forget the name. Yeah. The, the, the, the woman who's from Eastbound and Down. She does other things, but she plays a doctor. Flapstick elements. Yeah. And then there's like. Craig Robinson, of course. Craig Robinson, the other cop who's from. He's everywhere. It's like, not kids in the hall, but the. The other one. He's like a small guy.

[00:27:15] He played like a high pitched voice guy in one of those movies. And he was part of the state. Was he in Dodgeball? Dodgeball. No. Was it Dodgeball? He, he played a high pitched voice character in, I think, Knocked Up or one of those movies. And he was in, he was in Pitch Perfect in a, in a, in like an older version of a barbershop quartet. He's kind of shows up everywhere. Yeah.

[00:27:43] So, but the, the presence of those actors who very clearly know that. I love you. That they're in. Is the movie. I love you too, too. Um, I, the, the, the presence of those types of actors who, who were very, it's very clear that we, they, they knew the movie that they were in and they were going to take it. Everyone understood the assignment. Yeah. And then the, the, the, the characters or the actors who were supposed to have emotional resonance.

[00:28:10] Like they were free to do that because we had the more ridiculous people doing the more ridiculous things. You got the horny. I could have used just 80% more horny old ladies, but that's, that's really my only note at the end of the day. Well, I, I might ask you, Dan, is it not a parody of a Hallmark movie? No, it's a Hallmark movie. Yeah. I, I, yeah, I'm with Dan. It's not full parody.

[00:28:34] I think, I, I think it, it might be parody adjacent in that it's like doing it correctly. Doing it. It's self-aware. Yeah. It's almost the same way that. It's self-aware. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's fair. It's almost like snakes on a plane where like. Right. We're going to kind of. It knows what movie it's in. Yeah. We're going to kind of, we're not making fun of these movies, but we know that they could be made fun of. Instead, we're going to do it sincerely.

[00:29:03] And, but. Okay. So after. Anyway. So the movie starts. Yeah. After the death of her handyman husband from cancer, which we don't find out for a while, but she finds herself unmotivated to take care of her house. Again, she's broken on the inside. Fine on the outside. She lives with no heating, a leaking roof, a broken house. She can step on the staircase. However, she takes care of everyone else in town. She does. She takes care of everyone but herself.

[00:29:32] Am I right, ladies? Yeah. Am I right? She needs someone. You know what? She needs someone to take care of her. That's right. That's exactly right. Which is really funny. That's what every woman needs. Is a man to take care of them. She ends up taking care of Jack. Every woman has a one-sized hole. Kathy also takes lunch to her friends, her friends, Theo and Mel. Well, and they work with us. To be fair, some men also have a man's size hole. That is true. Yeah.

[00:30:00] And some of us need a woman to take care of us or a man. Some women have a woman's size hole. Let's be fair about this. We compliment each other. Everyone compliments each other. That's right. Everyone has a hole. In which another person can fill. And if it's a hole, it's a goal. You know what the goal is, though? Is to fill that hole with yourself. While we're here, let me just say. Hold on. Let me get my lotion again. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what? This is perfect.

[00:30:29] Go ahead and get your lotion ready, everybody. Because if you have a commerce-sized hole inside of you, there's about to be a commercial that can help fill all the emptiness inside. No matter what product it is, what service. It'll fill that hole. What other podcasts. It'll solve all of your problems. It will solve everything. You know what? Let's think about your problems for a second. All of them starting with the worst. Okay. Yep. Uh-huh. That one. Yep. Need another minute. Okay. Okay.

[00:30:59] Okay. Whatever size that list is, however intense it is, the next words will fix the problem. Okay. I'm tired of wearing jeans and all of the pants that I buy are way too short. I need a 35-inch in-seat. Go. Are we trying to induce the advertiser? Yes. Good idea. Okay. Okay. What advertiser do we want? Let's go.

[00:31:28] Tell Santa what advertiser you want. Tell Santa what? Tall person jeans. Tall person jeans would be good. No, no, no. I'm tired of jeans. I want another option. Tall person pants. Skirts. Oh. You know what I want? Not skirts. It's wintertime. You know what I want? A dandruff solution for bald people. Because apparently that can still happen. Why don't you put lotion on your head? Well, you already mentioned your ashy. Here we go. Okay.

[00:31:53] Hopefully, listener, the ad you're about to hear will relate to something that we just said or one of the holes that are inside. And we're back. Was it a mattress-sized hole? It was most likely a mattress-sized hole. Oh, Jimmy. Gosh. You got to go for a Tempur-Pedic. Am I right? I'm sorry. I need to stop saying am I right? I'm still hoping for a blue chew. I'm still hoping to get a blue chew ad. A blue chew-sized hole.

[00:32:24] That's my mouth. Because you don't want to have to swallow the pill to get the boner. Stiff neck. Oh, God. Okay. If only I didn't have to swallow it. I'm sorry. I am endlessly abused by this concept. I really, really want to have sex with a person. I need to take medication first. Don't take this out of context. Right. I really need to have sex with a person.

[00:32:52] And then the doctor's like, well, here's this pill. And you're like, no. I refuse to swallow the pill. Okay, fine. We'll put it in chewable form. Eventually you have to swallow, though, Dan. Hello, fine. Hey. Quick plug. I have a patient who doesn't want to swallow the pill. Could you turn this medication into a gum, please? What do you mean gum? Why wouldn't a person just swallow the pill? I don't know. Could you just get on that?

[00:33:22] We sure will. Blue chew. Sorry, Audrey. Go ahead. No, I was just reminded of – I'm in a show this month at Finest City Improv Friday nights at 11 p.m. It's called – sorry. You're probably going to have to bleep that out. But in the sketch last night, I had to eat a bunch of pills and no one told me that they were probiotic pills. And I crunched into them and they tasted like absolute crap. They were pure chalk.

[00:33:51] It's like, why would you just – why wouldn't you just use mints for this prop? Yeah. And then another – I don't want to spoil it, but there's another bit in the show where they eat sand. And I'm like, why didn't you just use brown sugar? It looks exactly the same. Yeah. Come on. But there you were done. Use your brain. They were improvising. You're right. Come see the show. 11 p.m. Friday nights, the 21st, 24th, and the 14th of February. Cool.

[00:34:21] Happy Valentine's Day. I'll be watching it. Captain America. Ooh. Okay. So she brings – she takes care of everybody, including her friends Theo and Mel, who own a secondhand store. It's called Reclaimed Rags is what it's called. Alliteration. The sign is very large. Everywhere in this city. Yeah. Kathy's Cafe, Reclaimed Rags. Police Precinct. That's right. High school. Henrietta High School.

[00:34:50] Middle school. Yeah. It's miracle middle school. They give her a red scarf destined for her, encouraging her to seek happiness after her bereavement. On her way home, she passes by a snow sculpture competition. Did you know it was a competition? I had no idea it was a competition. That's what the ad read was saying when she woke up in the morning. The radio was like, good morning, everyone. Come on down to the snow sculpture.

[00:35:19] See Punxsutawney Phil. And it places the scarf on a muscular snowman and takes a picture. Yeah. It – I missed the snow competition thing. I did too. It does – it's interesting how – as stupid as this movie is, and I mean that in the best possible way. It does set up – How else could you interpret that? It does set things up. It's not just like, oh, I'm walking around and –

[00:35:49] Yeah, that's what I was trying to say before. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The efficiency with the – they did a good job. What they don't show is what the snowman is snowpacking, if you know what I mean. That's true. They didn't hide that well. That's conveniently hidden, which, I mean, if you're going to get a hot frosty, let's hope that the equipment is up to par.

[00:36:15] Well, are you trying to say that let's just assume that instead of a carrot for a nose – Right. You – I don't have to say it out loud. Oh, God, we all know what everyone's thinking here. That's right. Later that night, the snowman comes to life. As he runs naked from an elderly couple and their dogs, he accidentally falls through the clothing shop window. I love – Accidentally falls through the clothing shop window. The scarf is glued to his privates.

[00:36:44] To his junk, yeah. It's really funny. You could see how the costume designer, like, fashion taped it. To be fair, we don't know that it was – we don't know that it was glue. You're right. It could have been – He could have a sticky penis. Oh, you know, sometimes, like, stuff sticks to flagpoles, you know? Right. Like tongues. It could have been wet and it froze to his – There we go. That explains it. Okay. So he accidentally falls through a window. That's better than the other joke that I was going for. So let's go with that. Okay. Go ahead. No. Nope. All right.

[00:37:11] I'm just saying that other things are known to be sticky. Not necessarily – Oh, you're trying to say he jizzed – Jimmy, let's not be disgusting. Okay. Sorry. Oh, being alive is great. He grabs overalls and galoshes from the shop to wear it as he accidentally fell through the window. I guess ice is really heavy. I don't know. I didn't understand how he broke through the glass by, like, leaning.

[00:37:42] Anyway. You know what? I had issues with this at first, too, but I think you're right. Ice is heavy. Yeah. So he just broke through. He's also ripped and muscle is more dense. You know, muscle dense, weighs more than fat, as they say, on account of its density. Yeah. All right. So he grabs overalls and galoshes from the shop to wear. In the morning, Kathy finds him talking to other snowmen and invites him into her diner for a bite to eat.

[00:38:12] She feels bad. She takes care of everybody else but herself. Yeah. She assumes the name Jack because his name tag says Jack. Little did she know that that was the author of the original. Author of the snowman. Yeah. I think she did know that deep inside. So anyway, that's the name tag on the overalls. This guy, Jack, the actor who plays Jack looks kind of like that weird billionaire who's, like, using his son's blood to live longer. Oh, my God.

[00:38:41] You're right. He also looks a little bit like Owen Gray without any tattoos. And if you know, if those listeners out there who know who Owen Gray is, nice. Anyway, proceed. Here's the thing. You know, I'm not – I am in no way homophobic. I am in no way, like, super hetero. You guys all know this by now. I didn't find him attractive. He's – Like, neck down? Sure. Yeah. I didn't think he was an attractive face.

[00:39:11] If we're going to go there, I think overall he's, like, an 8 out of 10. Like, he's jacked. Face-wise or total? Like, overall. Okay, let's be fair. Like, body is a 10. Face is, like, a 6. Like, he's attractive. You know, 100%. Yeah, I'm with you 100%. But he's not, like, God-level attractive.

[00:39:40] He's jacked. No. Brian Johnson is swapping blood with 17-year-old son. He does. That's who he looks like. It's like this guy. Brian Johnson, director of Looper? No, Brian. That would be awesome, though. Yeah. Full circle. Yeah. Blood infusions. Yeah, he's taking blood from his son to be younger. That's so fun. Billionaires, they're great. Billionaires are great.

[00:40:10] No problem with any of them. Yeah. But I also saw some John Mulaney in this guy. Oh, I see that. A little bit eccentric facial features and whatnot. Yeah, I get that. I'm also bad at the who looks like who game. But the thing is, I think John Mulaney is better looking. I agree. John Mulaney has a better haircut. I think Jack's problem in this movie is his hair is really weird. Maybe. That could be it. So this podcast type is like a ripped John Mulaney. Okay, there you go.

[00:40:39] Listener, if you haven't seen it, which by the way, please stop this podcast and watch the movie. No, don't stop. Keep listening. Well, stop it. Come back. Well, we want double listen. Double listen to this. Watch it. Then listen again. Listen on every device that you have, but on mute while you watch Hot Frosty. That's a great idea. Listen to us on double time. I don't give a heck. Oh, yeah. Sure. Why not? It's a good idea. No heck's given here. When you're done, then you actually listen to the podcast. Okay.

[00:41:08] And then you'll roll the video and a like. Four stars. Five stars. By the way, our podcast still has five stars. Awesome. Five stars. Five out of five. It has five stars, and then you could say whatever awful things you want. That's right. Okay. So this is... We're 90 seconds in the movie. Okay. So he has a... He stole a thing as he fell through the window. His overall said Jack, so she thinks his name is Jack. He... Okay. So then she's like, hey, what's your first memory?

[00:41:36] And he's like, it's you placing a scarf on me and then a big flashing light. And that was the camera flash from when she took a picture. The sheriff, Craig Robinson, investigates the perceived clothing shop break-in and vows to find the perpetrators. That's his entire arc of this movie. He's intense about it. Which I thought was fun. He was fun. He was.

[00:42:00] Jack is freezing to the touch, so Kathy takes him to the doctor friend, Dolly, who confirms that Jack's body temperature to be below freezing. So she's like, oh, this thermometer's broken. Let me get another one. Oh, this one's freezing too. So then at that point, she's like, have you ever thought about... I really wanted... And this was probably from my parody movie. I really wanted her to take the rectal temperature as like the third try. That would have been funny.

[00:42:30] I agree. That would have been good. It would not have taken away from this. It would have made the movie better. And it could have been that fun face like, ooh! I disagree. I disagree. Okay. Because that would have been too emasculating. And the male lead has to be somewhat masculine for the female viewers to be interested. But he has to be sensitive and vulnerable too. This would show that he's sensitive everywhere. And he is. But that's too far. This isn't an R-rated movie.

[00:43:00] I'm not saying it should have been there. I'm just saying that like, as I was writing the parallel like parody movie in my head, that's exactly where this scene goes. As long as we're going down this rabbit hole. Yeah. He eats. Yeah. He eats. So what's happening? He's not a vampire. Well, I know. But what happens? Oh, his insides melt. What happens? Oh, he ate frozen pizza. He didn't eat anything hot. Although he does like soup. He poops soft serve. Soft serve. There you go. Thank you.

[00:43:31] Froyo. That's where frozen yogurt comes from, everybody. All frozen yogurt comes from that actor. The snowman's poop. Tell that to your toddler. So Kathy takes him to her doctor. And then, so then after they, she just says, he's a snowman. How is this our dirtiest episode? I don't know. So, because it's not a Disney movie or the Brady Bunch. Okay. So Kathy takes him home. When she arrives home that evening, Jack surprises her with homemade pizza.

[00:43:59] Pizza, which he learned how to make watching a cooking show on TV. She's uncomfortable with Jack's constant hugs and expresses of love for her. She does not like that. It takes a long time to love somebody. It does. So, there's the trope. There's the trope of like the born. It's like born yesterday. The born identity? No. But you're fully adult in every other way. Yeah. Like you know how to speak and talk and things, but you don't know anything. Right.

[00:44:27] You're completely innocent, but you're also fully, fully developed and like a sexual being, presumably. Right. So, like it's... And it's commonly used for like female characters. I think it's more commonly seen for female characters. But honestly, I don't like it with the male character because then it just feels like she's being his mom the whole movie and that's a turnoff. Like if you're watching a rom-com... Did you ever see... Yeah.

[00:44:55] If you're watching a rom-com, you're like it's wish fulfillment for women. They want to see a perfect man come into their lives and take care of things for them, not the other way around. So, like me watching it, hoping that it's wish fulfillment because it's a rom-com. That's what I was expecting. I was like a little let down. I was like, huh. She's still doing all the work. She's still paying for everything. She's still like teaching him everything. The only thing he's teaching her is like how to love. And it's like...

[00:45:25] I wonder if that's there as a like something for everyone thing. Yeah, maybe. But like think of the... To be mothered. And that's... I can understand that. There must be some genre of film that satisfies the male gaze in that way. But like this does not satisfy the female gaze in my opinion. Here's what I'd like to do. It's still a funny movie and I still liked it and he's still very attractive. So it's like it is eye candy. In that way.

[00:45:54] And it is objectifying and I realize that. But like it's a rom-com. That's what this is billed as. That's what we all walk into it as. So like I don't know. Here's what I want to do. I want to... For the next movie, I want to do Mannequin. Mannequin. I think Mannequin solves the Frosty the Snowman problem. Oh. Yeah, I think it might. Because she is...

[00:46:23] She exists and has existed all along. But she's just frozen to anybody who sees her except for people she chooses not to be frozen in front of. But she's ancient. Like she's an ancient being who observes even while she's frozen, she sees and knows what's going on around her. So it kind of fixes the Frosty the Snowman problem. The original Hot Frosty. So Mannequin really is like... It's like Frosty the Snowman. It is, yeah. Cool. But anyway, Mannequin's a good movie. Mannequin 2? Maybe not.

[00:46:53] Although Christy Swanson. It is nice that he's making her pizza though. That's very charming. Yeah, well he learned it on TV. Which is a problem... To your point, Audrey, solves the I don't know anything problem. Because anything he knows he watched and he learned immediately. Right. So that's kind of how you get past the I don't know anything thing. Tomorrow he's a quantum physicist. He's a scientist. Well, he fixes her roof because he watched it on TV. Exactly. Yeah. So he makes her pizza. He fixes her roof.

[00:47:20] And while he's fixing her roof, because of course he's a snowman, he needs to be cold. So he's shirtless. And here's something I also... I have a gripe. He should be wearing shorts. The whole movie he's wearing long pants. It'd be so much funnier if he had shorts and flip-flops on. True. Or no shoes at all. So this horny neighbor... That seems great. The objectification is hilarious.

[00:47:50] Because it's just like... They may as well just go, hubba hubba. Right. Yeah. So the horny neighbor is watching him while she's driving by and drives him to a snowbank. And then this is a dirty part where he's like pushing the car and the car's rocking as he's like pushing against it. Making that motion. And she's also making that motion. Yep. So basically... Good innuendo. She's being humped by him via the car.

[00:48:20] Mm-hmm. Anyway. So she pushes her car out. He pushes her car out. She asks him to do some handiwork at her house. And then she invites her friends over to watch. This is so funny. I love seeing that cut from him screwing the light bulb plate into the full room of ladies. They're all plotting. The light turns on. So funny. Yeah.

[00:48:46] One of them asked Jack to aid her son, a short-staffed middle school principal, to prepare for a holiday dance. And he gives Jack a job as the school's maintenance staff. So this all happened really fast. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They bring him to Kathy's diner where he and Kathy are approached by the sheriff. Dun-dun-dun. She reminds Jack that he needs to be more discreet. However, she is touched by his repair works around her house.

[00:49:16] And we got into that he's, you know, he sweats a lot and he's implying that he's like melting. Yeah, he's melting. Yeah. Yeah. So he has to go outside a lot and he has to eat ice and pour ice on himself. Yeah. Yeah. But she's like, you know, we've accepted he's a snowman. Right. She's kind of accepted it. So she's like, you know, you got to lay low because he's the only new person in town.

[00:49:39] So the people that saw him streaking, breaking into the secondhand store, obviously it's him because he's the only new person. Right. And the old people would have known if it was somebody they knew. So Kathy's trying to hide him. Why is she trying to hide him? Because she secretly likes him. I don't know. Because everyone knows the cop is overzealous. The police chief will like give you a parking ticket if you're, you know, parked in a loading zone. But yeah, like I heard about, I heard about that.

[00:50:09] Like there's a, like during the fires in LA, there are people like, like a food truck who is delivering food to people who need it and got a parking ticket. Oh my God. He's that guy. He's that guy. Hey, law and order, baby. So Jack helps decorate the school hall and overhears a student invite another one to dance. So he gets inspired and he's like, Kathy, come do my date to this school dance. And I know I'm skipping a lot, but you know, you get the gist.

[00:50:39] Yeah. She accepts and takes him out shopping. This is a very pretty woman moment. And it is ripped from pretty woman, including the song pretty woman. And this is where it's really cognitively dissonant for me because the song is about a woman, but he's the woman in this case. And like in the heterosexual relationship, like it's a turnoff to have the man acting like a woman to women.

[00:51:07] And like the woman wants to be the feminine one, but the man's being the feminine one in this case. And maybe this is, this is, it is old fashioned way of thinking. Sure. That doesn't make it wrong. But it's not clever enough. It's not clever enough because all the whole scene. Okay. So a couple of things, Audrey. So first of all, I, you know, I believe in equality and yada yada. And, you know, you know, a woman doesn't need a man and whatever, blah, blah, blah.

[00:51:32] And so she is more taking on the masculine role, traditionally masculine role because she has the money. He's a snowman. He doesn't have money. She's taking care of him. She's taking him shopping. The problem I have with it, the scene and listener, the scene is basically them shopping all a pretty woman. Yeah. It's the montage where they're trying on different outfits and that outfit's silly. Oh yeah. Let me put this shoe on my head and wear it as a hat. That's right. So I think two things.

[00:52:01] Number one, the song isn't clever enough. Two, they had the song specifically so that you knew that it was a montage of Pretty Woman. So at the end, when she gives him a jewelry box, he can, she can slap the thing down and he'll giggle. Like that's a hundred percent why that song is in there. Right. I think it's an homage, but I think they could have done. Yeah. They could have just done the montage without the homage.

[00:52:28] I think doing some reverse engineering here, I think probably what happened is they had a shorter scene in which there was that pretty woman moment with the thing. And it was like this fun little thing that they wanted to add. And then someone was like, hey, we need to add like 10 minutes runtime to this. Like, what if we do this whole thing and it can be, it can lead up to this quote payoff of the pretty woman thing. Yeah.

[00:52:57] Because it does, a lot of it feels tacked on. Yeah. It's punch up. Again, it's like, this is one of those elements that feels like a middle school play version of a Hallmark movie where it's just like, okay, it's cute. But it's like, this could have been an email kind of thing. And the plausibility of the relationship, they have to build it out. Right.

[00:53:26] Because you know they're going to end up together. So you have to build it out a little bit. They have to have more time together. And they have to giggle and laugh and build. It's just relationship building. She has to eat the snowman cookie and bite his head off, which I thought was really funny. That was fun. That was super cute. And she enjoyed it. I think we skipped over the part. She enjoyed having the head in his mouth. I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but there is parts where there's like, there is a little bit of conflict.

[00:53:56] She doesn't want him to work at the school. And then he's like, he asserts himself a little bit, which is like the first part of the movie where I'm like, oh, he might be a real person. But it's still very lukewarm. Like, I wanted to see him assert himself more. But he's a snowman. But he has free will, right? He has free will. His whole world isn't just about pleasing her as much as he loves her and all that stuff. Let's get deeper into this.

[00:54:25] So he's a sentient snowman. Do we respect the free will of a sentient snowman? Or is it just like you're a snowman? Like, where do... Well, Dan, you forget. Here's the thing you're missing, Dan. He's not ugly. If he were ugly, this is a totally different story. Yeah. If he was hot, if he was ugly, then she'd just melt him immediately. That's right. Ew, get out of here.

[00:54:55] The end. She puts the scarf on the round snowman, not the chiseled one in the start of the movie. And then it's just a big fat man following her around. That's the parody. Then it would... Yes. Then it's funny because fat people with hot... Because fat guys with hot ladies are funny. That's right. Immediately funny. And then he has no free will. He cannot have free will if he's fat. It just doesn't work that way. He's so dumb. He's falling off of roofs. That's right. Having difficulty...

[00:55:24] He shocks himself when he's changing out the light bulb. Oh, you're on a suit, you fat piece of crap. She takes him to the pet store to get his outfits. Right. And he's so horny. He's just unbelievably horny. He's just panting all the time. Not because he's hot. Not because he's melting. He's just so horny. And then he goes to Subway all the time. That could be a sponsor. His eyes come out. Oh, God. He runs up the Uber Eats bill. That could be another sponsor.

[00:55:54] That's right. This movie wouldn't have lasted two minutes. Because she wouldn't have brought him into the restaurant in the first place. She'd just be like... No, she'd have been ashamed of him. Okay. She would have put him out in the back, chained him up, threw food out the window. This guy doesn't need a meal, obviously. Roy, how many fleshlights did you order? But here's the thing, though. She's not poor. Right. Right? She's doing okay for herself. It's just she doesn't take care of herself because her husband was a handyman.

[00:56:23] Well, I think if we're being really honest, I think she's as poor or as not poor as the script needs her to be in any particular moment. That's right. Because he runs up massive... He bought a window pane for the store that he broke. But she doesn't have $2,000 in the safe to bail him out. Exactly. Money doesn't matter until it serves the plot. But that's the... Yeah. And that's another thing with rom-com movies that's annoying. It's just like... Money doesn't mean anything until it has to.

[00:56:53] But in real life, money means everything to most people. Whoa. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's that realism piece, I guess. We need money to function. You can't... Yeah, that's debatable. But yeah, I think... Sorry. So he's... Go ahead, Dan. I just want to add in a sincere sense that I did appreciate that he...

[00:57:20] His argument really was like, look, I don't know how much time I have here. That's right. I want... Because eventually it's going to get warm. Yeah. Like I could melt tomorrow. So like I understand... And he even says like, I understand your concern and you're not wrong. But like I want you to think about my point of view here, which is like I don't know how little or how much time I have here. So please let me just like make my own choices and live my life.

[00:57:48] And if I end up in prison or whatever, then so be it. I just want to experience what this is. Yeah, which I think is kind of the... That's sort of a thesis statement, but that's kind of the end argument, right? I think so. Love while you're still alive. Yeah, I think maybe that's what the message is for her is like... And then be kissed and become a real boy. Okay. Now you just spoiled it. Because...

[00:58:17] So he learns how to fix stuff by watching TV. So he fixes stuff. He fixes her roof. He fixes the stair. He does a lot of stuff. And that's kind of the moment for her where she kind of turns and like, okay, this is no longer a farce. He's like legitimately useful, I guess. Obviously, she just finds him attractive, but he's a snowman. So I wondered the whole time, how are they going to do this? Like what's going to happen? Is he going to just...

[00:58:44] The better choice would have been for him to just die. Like melt in the jail cell. We had our moment. We as a town are brought together because of this individual. Again, very Groundhog Day. Very, you know... Bill Murray, Phil, whatever. Brings the town together. And then just dies. Like that would have been a better choice. So then she takes the scarf and puts it on like a bronze statue instead? And then the bronze statue comes alive? Right.

[00:59:14] Because she needs to have her man-sized hole filled at all times. That's right. Anyway, I did wonder how they were going to get around the snowman issue, but we'll get to that in a minute. Come and spackle the inside of my house, babe. Or if he does sigh at the end, it's like, okay, that one was dumb and kind of clingy. Let's see about this one. Let's get that competition back on again. Could you get this one a little better hair?

[00:59:44] She goes to the butter sculpture contest at the local fair. And then it's the fat guy. There you go. And she settles the end. And he smells like popcorn every day. Yeah. She can eat him. That's like that Saturday Night Live fake commercial is the chocolate husband. Oh, that sounds good. Eat him a little bit. Yeah.

[01:00:11] So anyway, so she accepts the date, to the dance. He went shopping. He bought a windowpane to fix the pain that he broke. And then he also bought her a silver snowflake necklace, which I thought the snowflake necklace glowed. But it was just the box. It had a little LED light in it. That was cool. That's a thing, right? Sure. And I didn't. I was like, I was looking at her dress. And I was like, huh, this outfit is missing an accessory.

[01:00:38] And then a second later, he pulls out the necklace. And I was like, thank you. Thank you, rom-com. That's exactly the least. That's the wish fulfillment I was hoping for. That's the wedding teeth decorator in you. That's right. It never goes away. All right. So Dan, to your point, so she goes with them on the date. They do the thing that she gets a necklace. And the dance, Kathy sees Jack. He's overheating. So she's like, let's go outside and cool down.

[01:01:08] And they almost kiss. But then he stops the kiss, even though he's the one that loves her the whole time. Right. And this is where the speech comes in, Dan, where he's like, listen, I don't know how long I'm going to be here. I see how much pain your husband getting cancer caused you. I don't want to be a part of your pain. Right. Right. I don't know how long I'm going to be here. And that was the moment for me. That sort of justified the whole movie for me. Well, I like kind of that he presented two sides of that.

[01:01:35] The first one was, I want you to think about me here and what my experience is. And again, I understand why you're concerned. But please let me live whatever life this is. That's right. Then that's followed up with like, okay, but I'm not going to like intrude upon your emotional like well-being. Yeah. He also knows he's a snowman and this can't last forever. Right. Yeah, exactly.

[01:01:58] And in a little twist on what we were saying earlier about the glass, he does lean against the locker case in the middle school. That's a good point. So. It does not break. And that glass is probably not as dense as the window. That's a good point. Maybe it has a flaw in the glass. There's a red letter. Well, you know what it is, Dan? He's becoming less of a snowman at that point. He's more human.

[01:02:27] So his muscular bone density has more humanized by that point. Okay. Now it's Christmas Eve. You know what happens on Christmas Eve? Miracles. Santa? The town, the entire town of Hope Springs gathers at the diner. In her diner. Right. In her diner. That's right. She's suddenly, she has always been the center of the town's universe. That's right. And we suddenly just now know this.

[01:02:56] Well, she says, I love that this is our tradition every year so that we know. That's true. She does. She does do the old improv trick of we've known each other for five years. Yeah. None of these people have families to celebrate Christmas with on their own. Right. Right. I have a question. How much of this movie is improv? Zero. Oh. Well, except maybe the sheriff. The sheriff. But even then, I think it was more structured.

[01:03:25] I think that there was, oddly enough, there seemed to be a lot of intent behind a lot of this. Because I don't get. Yeah, you're right. I don't think we get those, for lack of a better word, cleverly laid out. Like, okay, this happens because these things have been set in motion. Again, good movie. Not traditionally, but well-structured. Yeah. I mean, for a Hallmark movie, right? I mean. Yeah. So you have to have a villain.

[01:03:54] Right. You know, you have to have an antagonist, right? And so Craig Robinson's the antagonist as the sheriff. He's funny throughout. He's myopic. Mm-hmm. It's all he's talking about, all he's doing. So he just kind of becomes, fully takes over as the villain character by the end. So Kathy's speech is interrupted when the sheriff comes in. And he's like, and then Jack's like, to everyone's disapproval, sheriff arrests Jack.

[01:04:22] Like, because he couldn't get any proof that it was Jack that did all this stuff. And everybody's kind of covering for him. But the ATM video camera. Mm-hmm. It's the nail in the coffin. Yes, there are still ATMs. Anybody wonder why there was an ATM in the movie? Now you know. Mm-hmm. Because the movie needed it. Oh. The movie needed it. Just like the level of intelligence of the character. Like, well, okay. You read the treatment and you go, okay, that's as intelligent or not intelligent as this character is going to be.

[01:04:50] She's as rich or as poor as she needs to be. But again, it works because it's within this box of Hallmark movie rom-com of like, this is just, this is the genre. This is just what happens. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's a Mad Lib movie. So, yeah. You just change a few verbs around adjectives and nouns. And then. Very succinct. Yes.

[01:05:16] So everyone's upset because they're like, hey, he's a snowman. Don't arrest him. By the way, in my version, the hands melt off. Just saying. The hands melt off when. And he escapes the handcuffs because his hands melt off. Oh, that's smart. That's really smart. And then he just goes outside and mashes more. He just mashes more snow on his hands. Yeah. He could just put them in the soup. Right. And his hands are like dirty the rest of the movie for some reason. Because he got out of the streets now. They're yellow.

[01:05:46] Yellow hands. Yeah. Yeah. They're like gross. That would be funny. We should remake this movie. We should. Listener, if you would like to fund the remaking of this movie. We'll do it. Yeah. Christmas Eve, the town gathers blah, blah, blah. Everybody's mad. He arrests Jack. Everyone agrees that Christmas is a time for such magic. The sheriff says, you need to give me $2,000 for Jack's bail. And it's time for a fundraiser.

[01:06:16] Otherwise, he's going to be in here until the 26th. And she's like, he's going to melt by the 26th. We don't have time. So she goes back to the diner. And she goes to the safe. She's like, I don't know how much money. Not $2,000. Not enough. This amount. Hold up your fingers, listener. Hold up your fingers. That's how much she had. So she goes back to the sheriff. She's like, hey, guys, I'm short. But come on. Let them out. Let them out. It's Christmas. This is what happened. Miracles on Christmas.

[01:06:45] And the whole town comes and gathers. And they're like, I need some more money. And so everyone gathers the money. By the way, credit to the movie for not having the sheriff turn the heat up. Yeah. That would have been too evil. But that would have been vindictive. And he's not vindictive. He's just following the law. And he doesn't believe that he's a snowman. Right. So anyway, the town gathers. And she's like, come on, guys. Help a brother out.

[01:07:11] And then the guy takes off his hat, which evidently he puts a dollar in. Passes the hat around. And Craig Robinson's standing there on the steps of the thing. And he counts it while they're talking. And they're like, you're $10 short. Well, it also, again, credit to the movie. This is a move that, again, made me think like, okay, this movie is dumb. But it knows what kind of dumb movie it's choosing to be.

[01:07:38] And it's choosing to turn up the volume on the tension dial just enough to get us like, oh, are they going to do it? Well, and like in the dumb, the poorly made dumb version of this movie that I thought it was at the beginning, he would have just counted. And he would have just known or he would have known what amount of money is in the hat. But while he's trying to count the money, they're talking.

[01:08:04] And again, in the worst version of this movie, he would just be like, okay, you have so much. But instead he's like, I'm trying to count here. You're talking is distracting me from counting. Yeah. So he's $10 short. And who comes to save the day but the awkward – and I'm just going to qualify race for just a minute because it's – Because there are only two black people? There are two black people in the whole movie.

[01:08:35] No, that's not true. There may as well be two. Let's be honest. For all intents and purposes. So – because there's a horny old black lady who's probably the sheriff's mom. Yeah, of course. I think there's a word for that and it's tokens. There you go. So the teenager asks a little girl out on a date which inspires Jack to ask thing to the dance, right? To ask Lacey Chabert to the dance.

[01:09:01] So anyway, that same black kid comes up with a $10 bill and I was like, oh, that's his son. I have $10, dad. Like, oh boy. Okay. Here we go. I love that. Anyway, so – yeah. I mean, I think credit to the movie again, not that they – I mean, this could have been handled – it could have been handled better.

[01:09:27] But like we didn't know that this was his son until this moment. That's correct. Where a movie where it was more blatantly tokenized. That's fair. And he'd be like, yeah, and my son – you see, this is how we're going to explain another black person in the town. That's my son. Don't worry. That's right. They kept that revealed for the right time. Yeah. So anyway, they gather all the money. Then he has a change of heart in the Christmas Eve Scrooge moment and he gives all the money back.

[01:09:57] Nobody has to give any money. That was cool. I thought he might have kept it for a minute. My version of the movie, they all squambled over how much they gave. That's right. Well, the old man's like, I gave $200. And the wife's like, you gave a buck. It's funny. Anyway, so she runs in and grabs Jack who's very wet and she thinks he's dead. Nice. So I mean because he melted Audrey. Anyway, so she brings him outside, lays him in the snow. He didn't say sticky.

[01:10:27] Lays him in the snow and like maybe a beat. Yeah. She's like, oh, he's dead. Takes the scarf. Right. Well, we kind of prepared. Okay. That moment could have been longer granted, but they did prepare us for this. And she did kind of at some point say like, look, I know that you could be gone tomorrow and that I'm totally okay with that. I want to, I want to experience this. Right. Okay. So let's explore though. Sorry.

[01:10:55] We can't do this after what you're about to say, but I want to explore possible ways for him to have died or be discovered as bad. Okay. Let's do that. Just a minute. So at this point, my wife had come in and she starts watching with me. And she's like, how is he going to come to life? I was like, honey, it's true love's kiss. Yeah. True love's kiss is going to save him. Because they didn't kiss earlier in the movie. No, they didn't kiss. He specifically stopped it. That's right. Right.

[01:11:25] So she kisses him like a goodbye kiss, takes the scarf. The scarf is what brought him to life. So her taking the scarf is her way of saying, okay, that's over now. That is kind of a weird move. It is a weird move. Yeah. She took the scarf away. Like, fuck you. It's my scarf. Anyway, so she gives him a kiss like a goodbye, farewell kiss. And anyway, takes the red scarf, starts to leave. Jack then comes back to life like we all knew he would, shivering and functioning like a real human.

[01:11:55] He tried to describe the feeling. He didn't understand it. And she's like, you're cold. You're cold. Yeah. Anyway, that's that. Before we get to the end, Dan, that was, by the way, when my wife said it would have been a better movie if he had died. I agree. That's amazing. You guys are. That's what she said. In agreement on that. Yeah. Because I think that that, I mean, I don't think he can in this movie. No.

[01:12:25] But I think that it would have been more to the theme of, like, embracing the idea of experience what you can while you can. Yeah. It would have been a better lesson. Yeah. You know? And, you know, it's just, it's a trope of this, you know, the hero rides into town, saves the day and leaves. Like, and I can live my life. I'm complete now. I don't need a man to make me complete. I realize I can appreciate what I have, who I am. I have my own strengths.

[01:12:54] I have my own abilities. I can do this on my own. But then who would she take to Hawaii with her? Well, that was a whole other thing is that, you know, he's like, I want to go to Hawaii because he saw it on TV. And she's like, you'd melt there. And anyway. So, Dan, you want to explore the. Yeah. I, so I immediately thought, because it did show a little bit of his pants first, I thought for sure puddle with clothes.

[01:13:25] Yeah. That's exactly what I thought. Yeah. Like Frosty. His left, the hat and the scarf are there, but that's it. They should. I think they could have pushed the whole sweatiness thing further because all of his clothes were very, very dry, but his face was wet. I was like. That's right. I guess they don't want to make him look too gross because then you'd be like, ick. I think that there's a way to do without crossing into gross terror.

[01:13:47] I mean, of course, in my parody version, there would have, there would absolutely be a point where he does like, it turns into body horror, but like in a funny way where he's like, his face is like drooping. It becomes gross. I was picturing the pilot in airplane. That's what I expected. He's got like a shower going. Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

[01:14:11] But they could have, there were moments where like he, I forget when it was, but there was a moment where like, I felt like, okay, there should be sweat dripping from his elbow right now. Yeah. And it wouldn't have made it grosser. In Frozen, the movie Frozen, the snowman gets close to the fire because he's trying to protect Anna and he starts to melt. Like having that visual would have been funny without being grotesque. Right. Right. Like I have the CGI budget.

[01:14:40] My version definitely like we're right below, right below the, the like line of being grotesque. Like just pushing just enough. So he's a real boy now. Yeah. Yeah. They exchanged Christmas presents. This is the next day, I presume.

[01:15:00] Somehow in the 12 hours between him becoming a real boy and Christmas morning, he had bought her, he, he bought her a home repair book. Using her credit card. Using her credit card. Well, I think he fixes, she fixes the heater, but she did it herself, Audrey. She didn't need a man. She just needed the man to use her money to buy a book. Exactly. And he, she buys him plane tickets to Hawaii and they live happily ever after.

[01:15:27] So I think this implies that because there's no way that they could have known that they, that this moment would have happened where he becomes a real boy. I think there was going to be a turning point in this relationship where he was like, look, I'm really tired of carrying you through all of your life. And I knew just, you need to fix something, please. So here's a, here's a book. And I also think that she was trying to murder him by taking.

[01:15:57] Because she bought the tickets before he became a real boy. Exactly. Interesting. Hey, listen, if he's going to melt, may as well do it in paradise. Maybe it was Christmas one year later. Ah, could be. It did not say that, but yeah, it could be. Um, all right. So that's the movie. Um, I, I found the, we're not going to have beer this time. Oh, we're going to have a cocktail. Oh, and it is the original hot frosty holiday cocktail. Ooh.

[01:16:26] I have to say, I am impressed that you didn't go with natural eyes. That would have been very good. I'll think about it. That would have been, you know what? I'll take it all back. That's the unofficial beer. We're having natty eyes. Okay. That's the East Coast thing. In the spirit, in the spirit of this podcast, that is 100% the beer we would have chosen. It is absolutely the beer we would have chosen. That's right. I wasn't that clever today.

[01:16:51] Uh, the original hot frosty cocktail inspired after watching the Christmas movie, Hot Frosty on Netflix. The charming, easy to make cold weather snowman party cocktail is a crowd pleaser. Light and tasty. It causes a serious case of the giggles when serving because the sip isn't hot to the taste. Oh my God. It has a little hot guy hanging off the glass. Oh God. Grab your spoon, your aprons and a bottle of your favorite bubbly.

[01:17:21] Let's make this hot frosty melting snowman easy winter cocktail recipe. Oh boy. So if you have a booze sized hole inside of you. Let's talk about what's the ingredients. Two pints of lemon sorbet, 750 milliliters of Prosecco, mini chocolate chips, mini carrot sprinkles, and drinking buddy's cocktail tags. My teeth hurt when you say those words. Okay.

[01:17:48] The lemon sorbet and Prosecco sounds delicious, but then the carrot chips and the chocolate chips? Yeah. Frosty. Snowman. Snowman has a carrot. Oh, I see. They're just little. You have to have a melted snowman. Those are just decorations. The sorbet is like melted snow. Yeah. And the chocolate chips are eyes for the snowman and the carrot on the nose. Okay. Gotcha. It's meant to look like a melted snowman. They're not flavors. I'm sorry, what kind of sorbet? They're just decorations. Garnishes.

[01:18:18] That's correct. Lemon. Lemon sorbet. I'm going to put it in the chat. So it's yellow snow. That's right. It looks like yellow snow in the drink. Oh boy. Melting. I sent you a link so you can see it. I got to see it. Maybe we'll put the link in the show notes. Hi, I'm Gwen. If you're looking to add a touch of sparkle and charm into your everyday life and calling at a party while you're at it. Oh boy. I'm not going to allow ads. Wow. This is pretty impressive. You have come to the right place. I don't know where you get the hot guy like.

[01:18:48] Amazon. Enjoy nothing more than entertaining family and friends regularly with fantastic savory and sweet. Underline the sweet. Fancy cocktails and drinks. Extra special DIY touches. Not capitalized. Homemade party favors and gifts. And of course, a lovely tablescape to share a sweet company around. Let's see what else she has. Dan, when are you going to start a recipe vlog? Yeah, that's a good question. Oh God.

[01:19:14] But listener, I'll try to remember to put the link to this recipe in the show notes. For occasions, we have the Kentucky Derby as an occasion. Let's see. Run for the rosés. Sparkling charms. Everything you need to host a Kentucky Derby. Brows all sorts of recipes, cocktails, and decor. Be sure to... I'm not subscribing, Gwen. Stop. Go away, Gwen. Be sure to the classic Kentucky Derby Benedictine sandwich. Tasty Derby Hot Brown Sliders. What is she selling us? Let's see.

[01:19:45] The holiday season's entertaining. She's not selling us anything. Does she have a store? She's selling us sparkles and... She's selling us joy, apparently. Yeah. Joy only. I don't see... She's promoting Talenti dairy-free sorbet. Sorbeto. Yeah? Yeah. She's got an easy homemade eggnog creamer. Oh. We should have her on the show. Yeah. Bring her on. We should get a guest for the Tinkerverse. That's a great idea. A different guest for each movie. That's a great idea.

[01:20:14] Oh, that sounds fun. Okay. So, anyway, that's what we're drinking. Audrey, I'm hungry. What are we going to eat? Oh, gosh. Now all the additional ideas are rushing into my head. We're just going to eat one big carrot, maybe. Just kidding. We're going to have a Dunkin' Ice coffee.

[01:20:37] And we're going to have a Hot Girl garbage plate, which is just a garbage plate, which is like mac and cheese and potato salad covered in some griddled sausages and cheese, ketchup, and mustard. But make it a hot girl version with low-calorie examples. Is that cheese ketchup? Yeah. Slice of cheese, ketchup, mustard on top. I've never had a garbage plate. Cheese ketchup sounds good.

[01:21:06] But I've always wanted to try one because it sounds great. The end. And another carrot on the side for dessert. A big carrot. Not sliced up. Just one. Carrot cake. Because that's. Oh, just a carrot. Right. That is the thing. Hot dogs would have also been an acceptable. That would have been good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's hot. There's sausages on top of the garbage plate. Perfect. Frosted flakes for dessert.

[01:21:37] As far as music goes, I almost feel like this one doesn't need an introduction, but it's also long enough that I can give one while it plays. So talking about wallpaper and just like fitting a thing. And I guess, sure, man-sized holes. Why not? I don't know how that fits, but we're just bringing it back.

[01:22:07] This is Rock Lobster. It's a song that if you ever have heard it, you know, how catchy and fun and, you know, stupid it is. It's also about eight minutes long. And every time you think it's ending, it just starts again. But you know what? I'm sure it's the point. Because if they had this song at the end of the movie and instead of Rock Lobster, it's Hot Frosty.

[01:22:35] Oh, you're absolutely right. Hot Frosty. Hot Frosty. B-52s totally would have done it. That's it. Burr. Or Hot Frosty. This is all... This song is so long and so catchy and so crowd-pleasing that basically DJs... When this came out, DJs would just put this song on when they had to go take a shit. Which might be what it was written for.

[01:23:07] That's the whole movie. It's like, put this on. Hot Frosty. Yeah. Yeah. It's just... You just... You could put this song... You could put this music on in a party setting. No one would question it until people stopped talking. And the party started to lull. And they'd just be like, this song is still going. Same thing with this movie. Hot Frosty. You could have it on. Or it could be on somewhere.

[01:23:35] And you could be occasionally captivated by it. Occasionally amused by it. But unless you're Jimmy, if you were to say to someone, I'm going to watch Hot Frosty again. People would go, what's wrong with you? Yeah. Even if it is me. No. I'm... No. I think it's on brand for you, honestly. And I don't mean that in a critical way. I appreciate that. But I enjoy the suspension of disbelief. I'm a hopeless romantic.

[01:24:04] Hence the 19th anniversary greeting card that is larger than my head. Right. And you will attest, I have a regular human-sized head. I was just about to joke. And to be fair, you have a very small head. Put that in his bio. By the way, the head on the top of my neck, everybody. In case you thought dirty. I don't know how. I mean, I guess it makes sense. But it's just so funny to me that this is the dirtiest episode that we've done. It is funny. Well, it is a horny movie. It is a horny movie.

[01:24:33] You know, Belle's Magical World wasn't exactly on Pornhub, if you know. Well. Not that I could watch it. I don't know what side you're going to. I have to verify my age. Okay. So that was Hot Frosty, everybody. Thank you, Audrey. You are welcome. What a great suggestion. Thank you, again, to the random person who recommended it. I'm sorry. I can't remember who. And very astute of you to choose this instead of some, you know, maybe something a little deeper or whatever.

[01:25:02] Still mourning the loss of David. Lynch. David Lynch. Lynch. Yeah. That's a bomb. All right. So we have other shows on the network. Scraping the Vault, of course, is what you're listening to. Supreme Resort. Thank you. This would have been a better song. Instead of Rock Lobster. Hot Frosty. Oh, I'm melting for you girls.

[01:25:28] Well, since we're addressing the music, this is a cover of Mary Sparkle Boom by Liquid Horizon, which is... Asher's dad's band. Asher's dad is the drummer in this band. They have a SoundCloud. I'm not lying. They're a musical family. I didn't know this about Asher, but I love it. So Asher's dad is the drummer. Holiday night. Go ahead. I mean, it's really good. They're a Yacht Rock band. Yeah.

[01:25:59] So other shows... They have a lot of songs about divorce and certain opinions that they have. You write what you know. Right. Supreme Resort. The Ears Up podcast. The Bantha Milk podcast. You guys know. Okay. Also, Concierge is a Disney vacation planning service. 856R ears. Just booked a trip for a listener who loves our shows. Her name is Tamara. Hey, Tamara. Tamara just booked her first... Hi, Tamara. Hi, Tamara.

[01:26:29] Just booked her first trip to Walt Disney World. Ooh la la. A fun little tip. There are five adults in her group. Ooh. And because they listen to the Supreme Resort value episode, value hotels episode, they're like, let's stay. Five rascals? Is that where you're going with this? What's that? Five rascals? Is that where you're going with this? No, not five rascals. Okay. Well, they might. Still early. In fact, one of them does, in fact, need a wheelchair. Oh, there you go. Okay.

[01:26:57] So, they were going to stay at Art of Animation because they heard what we talked about with the sweet, all sweet hotel. And when I looked at it, because they wanted to stay on the Skyliner line, and we looked at it and we found that it was more expensive for the five of them to stay at Art of Animation than it would be to have two rooms at Pop Century. Huh. Which, if you've listened to that episode, you'd know they're basically the same resort. Yes. And equal access to the Skyliner.

[01:27:25] So, we saved almost $1,000 by booking two rooms at Pop Century instead of one suite at Art of Animation, and they have more room. Everybody has a bed. Which, by the way, I'm not telling people how to spend their money, but that's rascal money for when you do the drinking around the world at Epcot. That's right. And they'll be there in September, so Food and Wine Festival will be going. Oh. Anyway, Tamara, thanks for listening. And thank you for booking with Concierge.

[01:27:56] That's all I got. Dan, Audrey, you have anything else? I already made my big plug. Oh, yeah. Out of snow. Out of snow. 11 p.m. Okay. One last dirty joke. I wish it would have freeze-framed. Yeah. Like, we all jump into the air on a podcast. What with your finger point? That would have been. Yeah. Yeah. Come down to Find a City Improv, 11 p.m. Friday nights in February. We have tickets available for the 14th, the 21st, and the 28th.

[01:28:25] I have no idea when this episode's going to come back. Come out. But that's okay. I like you. And thanks for listening. Hopefully not too long from now. Yeah. Go to Find a City Improv anyway. That's right. And bring some brown sugar and mints so that people don't have to use your Altoids. Brown sugar and Altoids. Yes, please. Better props. Yes. All right. All right. Well, Dan? I got nothing. I do have this, though. Until next time. Be kind. And rewind. Rewind.