Chipmunk Christmas: Embracing the Holiday Spirit with Joy

[00:00:00] We took it all, we brought them to our land.

[00:00:05] An endless night, ember hot and icy cold.

[00:00:10] The rage of the earth, we made this curse.

[00:00:15] Carved it in the blood on our backs.

[00:00:18] We did not see, we could not but she did.

[00:00:22] And in the end, what will I become?

[00:00:25] Senua Saga, Hellblade 2

[00:00:28] Play it now with Game Pass.

[00:00:30] Right.

[00:00:32] This is Jimmy, do you want to do the outhouse thing before we start?

[00:00:35] Oh sure.

[00:00:36] This is how you know it's Christmas over at the Scraping The Vault household.

[00:00:41] Say, can you help a jolly old Elf outtp?

[00:00:49] They aren't exactly known for being vicious.

[00:00:51] In fact, in parks around the country some people like to feed squirrels from their hands.

[00:00:55] But experts say they can be dangerous and go on the attack without warning.

[00:01:00] Whoever thinks those adorable little squirrels people feed in the park can be dangerous.

[00:01:06] Watch as this squirrel pounces on a cop after wreaking havoc at a home in upstate New York.

[00:01:14] At least three people attacked by a squirrel at a senior center.

[00:01:17] Another incident happened at this retirement home in Orlando.

[00:01:21] We had a squirrel that entered our building and it's in our activity room

[00:01:25] and it's jumping on people inviting them and scratching them.

[00:01:28] This squirrel got into a grocery store and wasn't happy when his meal was interrupted.

[00:01:33] Wait, we gotta do all this?

[00:01:35] This one crawls up a woman's leg.

[00:01:37] This new young mom was carrying her toddler when she was suddenly attacked

[00:01:42] and bitten by a squirrel in a parking lot in California.

[00:01:45] The pain was severe but I was more concerned about my baby.

[00:01:51] The squirrel kept chasing her around until a guy comes in and kicks it away.

[00:01:56] They're intelligent.

[00:01:57] Wildlife expert Barbara Bellens-Becone says feeding these animals creates a potentially serious situation.

[00:02:04] This squirrel thinks she has food.

[00:02:06] She thinks I have food and she's actually habituated to people feeding her.

[00:02:11] But this is dangerous because...

[00:02:13] Because if you don't have food she could react in a totally aggressive way.

[00:02:17] She could actually jump on me right now.

[00:02:19] In New York Central Park we found plenty of people handing out food,

[00:02:22] getting up close to squirrels who have lost their natural fear of humans.

[00:02:27] Seen some aggressive ones but most of them are really nice.

[00:02:31] Kids, you guys should know this. Don't feed the squirrels.

[00:02:37] The good news is squirrels don't carry rabies so if you are bitten experts say

[00:02:41] just treat it like a minor wound and make sure to wash the area with soap and water.

[00:02:46] From the dirty dirty ashes that that disgusting xanaclos dragged all across the floor after coming down the chimney.

[00:02:58] It's scraping the wall.

[00:03:00] Home invasion everybody be aware.

[00:03:03] This is the longest where we watch straight to video Disney sequels.

[00:03:08] Usually this time it's a little bit different.

[00:03:11] This time it's a Christmas delight for all.

[00:03:14] Joining with me as always I have my co-hosts here.

[00:03:17] They also don't have rabies.

[00:03:19] We have Audrey. Let's see how that...

[00:03:21] Hey it's me, Audrey.

[00:03:23] There we go.

[00:03:25] That's not bad.

[00:03:26] And it's Jimmy.

[00:03:30] Jimmy sticking with a bit from a previous version of the recording that we tried to do.

[00:03:34] Hello, Jimmy.

[00:03:38] Hi Jimmy, how are you?

[00:03:41] Which isn't far off from Stitch.

[00:03:43] Hello.

[00:03:44] No it's not.

[00:03:45] Well, how about means family?

[00:03:48] Regular listeners will know I'm only capable of doing one voice.

[00:03:52] I mean it's even in my most of a chipmunker.

[00:03:56] Mrs. Packer?

[00:04:02] We'd never know because our videos are not running Audrey so it could very well be.

[00:04:06] Wow, I can't believe you got her on the show.

[00:04:10] Thanks for making...

[00:04:12] Mrs. Harrison or Darth Vader or all the other so many extensive cast of characters that I've done here.

[00:04:20] Sultan from Aladdin and Sultan the dog.

[00:04:23] Right, thanks for making me watch The Matrix in eighth grade and read Siddhartha.

[00:04:29] That was a pretty cool unit.

[00:04:31] Yeah you're welcome.

[00:04:33] I hope you like something.

[00:04:35] Yeah I learned Keanu Reeves is a snack.

[00:04:37] Hey, he's a regular smoke show.

[00:04:42] Oh, damn what that ass do.

[00:04:44] Okay, so chipmunks huh?

[00:04:50] I'm surprised you didn't watch this in class with like a hungover teacher and like watching a movie kid.

[00:04:56] No, no we in a different class we watched the movie airplane which has titties.

[00:05:02] Oh God.

[00:05:03] Oh God.

[00:05:05] Everyone forgot until it was too late and that was a good day.

[00:05:10] That was a good day.

[00:05:12] There's a lot of stuff in there.

[00:05:14] What happened to that teacher?

[00:05:15] Yeah.

[00:05:16] I don't know, his name was Mr...

[00:05:19] Oh no I'm blanking on his name.

[00:05:22] But he taught physics and I really loved physics.

[00:05:25] And airplanes.

[00:05:27] Yeah one day he showed up to class with a candle lit on his desk and he was like really somber

[00:05:34] and everyone's like what the hell is going on.

[00:05:37] And he's like I'm using this candle to remind me that there's light in the world

[00:05:43] and good things are on the way.

[00:05:45] And we were all like...

[00:05:47] Oh, oh.

[00:05:49] He was having a rough time.

[00:05:51] Yes he was.

[00:05:53] What was his freaking name?

[00:05:55] Mr. Richards, Mr. Phillips, Mr...

[00:05:59] Franklin?

[00:06:01] Anyway it'll come to me way too late.

[00:06:04] When it does interrupt whatever we're doing.

[00:06:09] You bet.

[00:06:11] And he might be in this room with me right now and I'd be able to say hello to you.

[00:06:16] Wow.

[00:06:17] I hope he's doing well.

[00:06:19] I was way off.

[00:06:21] I hope we can remember his name so that we can say hello to yet another new character voice here.

[00:06:27] Yeah.

[00:06:28] A unique and very different new character voice.

[00:06:32] That's right.

[00:06:33] So this is dealer's choice like Dan was saying.

[00:06:36] We usually watch straight-to-video sequels but the Christmas I always choose,

[00:06:41] Dan has one for Valentine's Day and then Audrey has one that we haven't decided yet, right?

[00:06:46] That's right.

[00:06:47] I don't have the slightest idea of what I'm going to pick but it's going to be a good one.

[00:06:52] That is.

[00:06:53] So Dan, we watched a chipmunk Christmas at my request.

[00:06:57] There were some other runner-up including Flintstone Save Christmas which was not as beloved for me.

[00:07:03] So I chose this one.

[00:07:04] It's a very brief maybe 18 minutes of actual, maybe 22 minutes of actual footage.

[00:07:09] I'm kind of glad and I think our listeners will agree that they should be glad.

[00:07:15] We didn't go with Flintstone's Christmas because there's a whole like BC issue that I would have probably really hammered on.

[00:07:25] Like Flintstone's taking place in like the era that it took Christ.

[00:07:31] Before Christ, they referenced Christ a lot.

[00:07:34] Yeah.

[00:07:35] And I would have also mentioned the Santa and the Christ child ornament.

[00:07:42] Oh yeah.

[00:07:43] I've got it still.

[00:07:44] Yeah.

[00:07:45] Because Santa, this is my holiday.

[00:07:49] Well it's Santa going traveling to visit Jesus in the manger which Santa, there's just, there's a whole chicken and the egg problem there that is really hard to wrap your mind around.

[00:08:09] It is.

[00:08:10] But I haven't ornamented.

[00:08:11] I don't even exist yet in the Flintstone world.

[00:08:14] Right.

[00:08:15] That's a good point.

[00:08:16] Well and those that do, they hammer it up at the camera and say, it's a living.

[00:08:22] It's a living.

[00:08:23] So Santa, there was Stone Mountain Georgia.

[00:08:29] There's a book, Santa and the Christ Child which I have and an ornament with Jesus.

[00:08:33] It was Santa like, close your eyes, picture Santa.

[00:08:35] That one.

[00:08:37] Kneeling next to baby Jesus in the manger.

[00:08:40] And you can get this just so we're really painting a picture here.

[00:08:44] You can get this after spending time adoring the monument to the Confederate generals.

[00:08:53] Still there.

[00:08:54] Yep.

[00:08:55] Yeah.

[00:08:56] All right.

[00:08:57] So Chipman Christmas, I'm going to get started with a description of what it is and then Audrey is going to tell us what she thought it was going to be about before we go through play with Jesus.

[00:09:06] So a chipmunk Christmas is a 1981 animated Christmas television special.

[00:09:10] It's based on the characters of Alvin and the chipmunks as we know, produced by Bagda Sarian Productions and associated with Chuck Jones Enterprises.

[00:09:18] It first aired on NBC December 14th, 1981, nine years after the death of Alvin and the chipmunks creator Ross Bagdarzian Sr., also known as David Seville.

[00:09:31] And Jimmy, as you know, this is where I like to paint a picture of kind of where we are in time.

[00:09:36] So I found the Alvin and the chipmunks Moncapedia, which I have not read yet and we're going to explore it together.

[00:09:48] Yay.

[00:09:49] All right.

[00:09:50] So we got the Moncapedia.

[00:09:53] Did you know that there are also lady chipmunks?

[00:09:58] There is Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor and they go with Alvin, Simon and Theodore.

[00:10:04] Brittany has pink and Alvin is red.

[00:10:10] Color theory.

[00:10:12] Jeanette, who is the Simon, has glass.

[00:10:17] Okay.

[00:10:18] And her colors are purple where Simon is blue.

[00:10:23] Eleanor.

[00:10:24] Blue press red equals purple.

[00:10:26] Her color is kind of light green and she also enjoys eating just like the Eleanor.

[00:10:34] So as we've learned before, every shape has a shape that goes with it.

[00:10:40] Right.

[00:10:41] So yeah, this whole, this bullsh**.

[00:10:47] Christmas with the chipmunks.

[00:10:49] It came out in 1962.

[00:10:51] It's a Liberty Records album featuring chipmunks and Dave Stil singing, you'll never guess it.

[00:10:56] Oh wait, Christmas don't feel like it's not on there.

[00:11:00] Oh no, no it is.

[00:11:01] Never mind.

[00:11:02] Along with Jingle Bells, Rudolph the Red Nose Ranger, it's beginning to look like Christmas.

[00:11:06] Now did you know that the way that they make the chipmunks sound like chipmunks is

[00:11:13] they just talk really slowly and then they speed it up, which is really fun.

[00:11:22] And if you haven't already seen the...

[00:11:23] We should record this episode that way.

[00:11:25] Have the listener play it.

[00:11:26] Oh god, two times.

[00:11:28] And then if you haven't heard the, who is the Pat in Oswald bit about that, go ahead

[00:11:36] and take a moment, pause this but before you do subscribe and leave us a five star

[00:11:40] reading, go ahead and pause this and look up Pat in Oswald.

[00:11:46] That's Oswald with a T and chipmunks.

[00:11:51] You will enjoy it.

[00:11:53] And that's kind of, there's more but I can't bring myself to read this crap.

[00:11:58] Jimmy take it over.

[00:12:00] I'm sorry I'm watching the Pat in Oswald chipmunk.

[00:12:03] Oh have you not seen it?

[00:12:05] I haven't seen it either.

[00:12:08] Oh, well then.

[00:12:10] Maybe you can insert it right here.

[00:12:13] Okay so this and this was the first time that Alvin Simon and David Seville were voiced by Ross Bagdasarian Jr.

[00:12:21] And the first time theater was voiced by Janice Orjanes-Karman.

[00:12:26] So ladies and gentlemen pull out your copy, your VHS copy in order to watch this like I did.

[00:12:33] Or Audrey and Dan where did you find this?

[00:12:37] Daily Motion I think?

[00:12:39] Yeah Daily Motion which was refreshing to not find like weird anime on there for once.

[00:12:46] So Audrey what did you think this movie was going to be?

[00:12:49] I thought it was gonna be like this.

[00:12:53] Here's what I wrote.

[00:12:55] The Alvinettes travel inside of a Christmas tree and uncover a secret plot of evil business Santa company

[00:13:02] trying to take over the world.

[00:13:04] But it turns out the reason the Santa inside of the tree is evil

[00:13:08] is because the tree has like termites.

[00:13:11] But good news chipmunks eat those.

[00:13:14] So the chipmunks eat all of the evil bugs and save Christmas.

[00:13:21] Well we do know that chipmunks are in fact a form of squirrel.

[00:13:26] And they might scratch your eyes out if you don't give them food.

[00:13:31] But you won't get rabies.

[00:13:33] At least you won't get rabies.

[00:13:36] They will definitely scratch your eyes out and they do not carry rabies.

[00:13:42] You two keep talking I'm working on the Paternauts one thing.

[00:13:46] Okay well let's get started with what actually happened in this delightful Christmas special.

[00:13:53] Now listeners as you may have guessed by now I'm a big fan of the holiday.

[00:13:59] I had a very positive experience with Christmas all through my childhood.

[00:14:04] And I carried it.

[00:14:05] I'll leave it in that later don't worry.

[00:14:07] Not for you for our listener.

[00:14:09] And I carried it with me.

[00:14:11] I still to this day you know we just it's just a very special time of year for many people

[00:14:17] for other people it's not so special.

[00:14:19] Not everybody had that same experience of you know the kind of you know stereotypical Christmas

[00:14:26] some people didn't celebrate Christmas at all.

[00:14:28] And so for me these specials this one the year without a Santa Claus Rudolph all that stuff is just very

[00:14:36] you know brings joy to me and tears every time just because of what all of them sort of mean

[00:14:43] and it's all about giving and love and joy and so that's why I like these so much and this is no exception.

[00:14:50] Yeah and I guess I'll go ahead and piggyback on that we don't need to do this later.

[00:14:55] I listen I know I joke around a lot.

[00:14:58] I'm your favorite joking friend but seriously as somebody who has had you know not the easiest

[00:15:08] Christmas is it's fine now it's still the family stuff is always still kind of weird for some people

[00:15:14] but it's fine now but if you happen to know somebody who you suspect or you know does have

[00:15:24] holidays for whatever reason or even if they have in the past those wounds kind of never entirely heal

[00:15:32] try reaching out to them don't be weird about it just check in on them to make sure that you're letting them know

[00:15:38] that you're thinking about them.

[00:15:40] It does make a difference they will not reach out to you and I don't think you should expect them to

[00:15:48] and it doesn't need to be weird or gloomy and maybe don't do it on Christmas or on your way to a Christmas party

[00:15:54] or whatever holiday just you know at some point set aside a couple minutes to just reach out and say hey I'm

[00:16:00] thinking about you how you doing.

[00:16:02] Yes that's a good that I mean we just talked about how this is a very loving giving thoughtful time of

[00:16:08] year and take this opportunity to use that and reach out to friends family people who may be

[00:16:15] struggling like you said Dan they're not going to reach out to you to say I'm struggling.

[00:16:20] Yeah so reach out take a minute now pause the podcast.

[00:16:24] Yeah pause it again we're going to listen to the Pat Nozwal bit and you're not allowed to listen to it

[00:16:29] because you're calling your friend now.

[00:16:31] Tell them I say hi.

[00:16:33] Yes but really honestly I know for myself in those times even if I wasn't able to express

[00:16:42] or notice in that time that I appreciated that people would call if that makes sense I might have

[00:16:52] done some words out of there but I mean their response might not be exactly what you're expecting

[00:16:56] it might not even be you know perfect or good they might not answer but it'll register.

[00:17:02] So it'll mean a lot.

[00:17:04] Yeah yeah here's Pat Nozwal probably saying some dirty words that I will probably make a change.

[00:17:12] When I was growing up my favorite Christmas memory was the Alvin and the Chipmunks album

[00:17:16] because we had it on LP and you know what I'm talking about the young...

[00:17:21] Remember that song?

[00:17:24] Little Chipmunks are singing and then there's that guy Dave going alright now Chipmunks

[00:17:28] let's all...

[00:17:31] My brother and I had that on an LP so what we would do is we would play that as slow

[00:17:36] on the slowest speed possible on the record player so then it sounded like four normal

[00:17:42] monotone guys just singing this boring Christmas song and then this demon from

[00:17:48] like the ninth level of traitors and murderers just screaming at them

[00:17:55] and then it just it was so different it was like Christmas Christmas time is here

[00:18:01] time for toys and time for cheer

[00:18:47] RRRRRRRR

[00:18:52] It's a really good impression

[00:18:59] Okay

[00:19:02] I love how much he commits to it.

[00:19:06] Yeah totally, that was great.

[00:19:08] Perfect timing.

[00:19:10] Now pause and call your friend.

[00:19:12] Okay, so as happens with this show, we watch things 99% of the time, I've never seen the

[00:19:18] thing we're about to watch. So I do a little more scrutiny with it. This I know by heart,

[00:19:23] I haven't memorized. And so it was interesting for me to watch it from a little more of a

[00:19:28] critical perspective. And I have a lot of questions. I hate it. That would be so awesome.

[00:19:36] It's like, I watched it and this time it just occurred to me. This is trash. It's absolute

[00:19:41] garbage. Never watch it. Well, it's it's really a lie and a waste of emotion.

[00:19:48] It's really stupid. Let me just put it that way. Yes, I started reading the works of Theodore

[00:19:53] Ardorno and so many things to say. Zen in the art of animal, Alvin in the chipmunks. Okay.

[00:19:59] So well, first of all, the special starts out with a doctor visiting a family of a sick boy,

[00:20:05] whose name is Tommy. Now he admits that the chance of Tommy recovering before Christmas

[00:20:13] is bleak. What I want to know what is wrong with Tommy? He's got bit by a rabid squirrel.

[00:20:23] Nope. Nope. Can't get rabies. Dang it. Well, he got bit.

[00:20:29] They killed off all the squirrels. Just like in Sleeping Beauty, they burned all the

[00:20:36] spindles. Spinning wheel. Yeah. Yeah. So he's got a picture of Alvin above his bed. So he's a fan

[00:20:43] of Alvin and we'll get into the healing process later. But I'm not going to make the joke that

[00:20:48] I almost made. Okay. Okay. So I just this is like days before Christmas, right? And there's

[00:20:58] no healing this child. They're doctors and they just can't figure out what's wrong with him.

[00:21:03] Like this child is dying, right? The only thing missing from this is the doctor saying like,

[00:21:09] but perhaps the power of song. Yeah. I mean that would be appropriate for this kind of movie.

[00:21:16] But I'm going to choose to believe he's being supernaturally possessed by a demon.

[00:21:22] A demon. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Okay. That's a good theory. It's the devil.

[00:21:28] The devil has taken him and no doctor. The power of Christmas is the only thing

[00:21:32] that's right. Right. I mean, this was made some time ago. Maybe a scurvy.

[00:21:37] It could be. Could be. Was scurvy a thing in the 80s?

[00:21:43] I don't know. All right. So anyway, the scurvy was that a thing in the 80s?

[00:21:50] I mean, the 80s was so long ago because I'm very young and I can't possibly imagine

[00:21:56] a time where phones are plugged into walls. What?

[00:22:00] Right. So here's the other thing. Oh, you mean like to charge?

[00:22:04] No. So Audrey, according to what? Because I'm also very young. All right.

[00:22:09] From the documentaries I've seen on YouTube, which is all I watch because I'm

[00:22:20] very young and I love my screen time. I've never used a TV.

[00:22:25] I agree. So what did you just say? What's a TV?

[00:22:34] Oh, you beat me to it. Yep. Used to be that people had, the only thing you could choose

[00:22:41] your phone for was making phone calls. And if you tried to text, it would just make

[00:22:48] weird sounds. And in the early days of the internet, if you wanted to make a phone call,

[00:22:55] there goes your internet connection. Yeah. So the other thing I wanted to point out in my...

[00:23:02] Oh, that's over. Okay. Yeah. Moving on. Been done. So the other thing, as we pan from,

[00:23:10] as the camera pans from Tommy's apartment, which is in Manhattan by the way,

[00:23:15] the establishing shot is we're in New York. Not nearly enough strip clubs in Broadway,

[00:23:22] for the early 80s until Michael Eisner changed that. Maybe they were making some predictions.

[00:23:28] Maybe this was actually an oddly prescient film. I mean, it's hard to tell what's going on

[00:23:33] in the cityscape because the backgrounds for this movie are truly atrocious and

[00:23:38] incomprehensible. Like buildings don't look right. There's no consistent depth, perception drawn in.

[00:23:48] Well, and to that point, Audrey, they live near enough to Manhattan that they can ride their

[00:23:53] skateboard into the city. But when we pan to their house, there are no neighbors.

[00:23:59] There's no other houses or dwellings anywhere near in the background. And it's a four-story

[00:24:03] house. Right. That doesn't make any sense. No, you would think that they would be able to afford,

[00:24:09] you know, not getting scurvy like an orange or two. You'd think. Yeah. I'm sorry. When you

[00:24:16] mentioned the lack of strip clubs, I was just reminded, and I don't know when I'll ever have a

[00:24:20] chance to mention this. I don't... There's a movie, Quick Change starring Bill Murray.

[00:24:26] No. Not that I recall. I don't know that it holds up very well, but it's a

[00:24:33] very funny movie, mainly because it has these weird little moments. And Bill Murray directed it. I

[00:24:38] think it's the only thing that he's directed, I think. He's dressed up as a clown and he's

[00:24:43] going to go rob a bank. And he's walking through New York City in, you know, back when New York

[00:24:48] City was how it was. And he walks past the strip club and there's a barker outside. It's like,

[00:24:54] these people welcome. Come on in. And he sees Bill Murray walk by dressed as a clown and he goes,

[00:25:01] clowns welcome. Clowns welcome. Like yelling it in his direction in like this very dispassionate,

[00:25:09] but like, oh, I can say clowns are welcome. Kind of.

[00:25:13] One of my favorite lines in any movie. Clowns welcome.

[00:25:19] All right. So we're just a few days before Christmas, the chipmunks have a recording session.

[00:25:24] Alvin is not happy. Alvin's not happy about having to work on Christmas, but after Dave tells him

[00:25:29] that he can play his prized Golden Echo harmonica, he suggests, Alvin, that Dave get everything

[00:25:36] set up in the studio where he and his brothers go window shopping. Dave agrees to this and

[00:25:41] tells them not to be late. So this is like two minutes into the movie and I already want

[00:25:45] to rip my fucking ears off. You don't like the singing? I don't like the singing. I don't like

[00:25:53] the high pitch talking. It's very grating zero out of 10. How many times do they need to record that

[00:26:00] song? Well, so first of all, we have beginning to look all other Christmas, which they're wake

[00:26:06] up Dave, they dress him and I think he's wearing a pillow over his head with a hat on.

[00:26:12] Then he just gives up and it's like, this sounds so pretty. Yeah. He's going to use up their whole

[00:26:18] catalog in 30 seconds. Yeah. They're saying it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It's

[00:26:24] the greatest time of the year and Jingle Bells all in the first 90 seconds. Actually,

[00:26:28] I take that back. He's not a toddler. He's a gorilla because he's like soothed by song.

[00:26:35] But if they're not singing, he gets angry. Dashing through the stores on a chipmunk

[00:26:41] skating board. Oh, God. All right. So they're going to the department store. Yeah. Jimmy. A lot.

[00:26:48] A lot. At the department store, Alvin's in the music department and Alvin sees another golden

[00:26:54] Echo harmonica which is on a little pillow with light shining on it. It glows and he tells his

[00:27:00] own harmonica that it's the best harmonica in the world. At that very moment, Tommy's mother,

[00:27:07] remember Tommy was really sick. Tommy's mother and sister arrive at the store and he overhears

[00:27:13] Tommy's sister tell her mother that if Tommy had the golden Echo harmonica, it would make him feel

[00:27:18] better and she says, Tommy will just die without that harmonica. And mom's like, don't say that,

[00:27:25] dear. You know. Don't joke around. He's like, make it through Christmas. Make what through

[00:27:32] Christmas. What is wrong with Tommy? He's going to die in the next four days. I feel like

[00:27:38] when I was watching this, I felt like there was this weird like, I kind of wanted,

[00:27:44] part of me was half expecting the mom to go like, I mean, why he's gonna die. Oh my God.

[00:27:51] It's a waste of money. He's gonna die anyway. Get something for yourself. I mean, come on.

[00:27:58] Well, and they can't afford it. They live in Manhattan. Well, I mean, their rent is way too

[00:28:02] high for this force. That's right. That's four story building. No, no, no. The chipmunks live

[00:28:05] in a four story house. Oh, that's right. Okay. Near enough to the city that they can walk.

[00:28:09] All right. So Alvin feels bad about Tommy's illness. So so much so that during the recording

[00:28:15] session he can't sing in tune with the others. Hold on. Maybe it is rabies

[00:28:22] and Alvin doesn't know that chipmunks don't carry rabies. Oh, and he feels guilty. Guilt. Yeah.

[00:28:29] All right. So he feels really bad. Dave gives the chipmunks a break. So Alvin goes to Tommy's

[00:28:34] house and presents him with Alvin's own harmonica. He says there was a contest down at the

[00:28:42] department store in the music department. And Tommy gets all excited. He's like, oh,

[00:28:49] it's probably another doctor. He's like, it's Alvin. Hi, Alvin. He's very excited. And so Alvin

[00:28:54] gives him his favorite. But this is what I'm talking about. It's his prized possession.

[00:29:01] Like Alvin loves this harmonica more than anything in the world and he gives it up

[00:29:04] immediately for this sick child. Yeah, he's a good kid. Tommy's sister, by the way,

[00:29:10] sounds like she's 35 years old and a smoker and a smoker. Yes.

[00:29:22] The mom plays both the mom and Mrs. Claus, by the way, but his sister,

[00:29:29] like they deliberately make her sound young by like, what's wrong with Tommy? Mom,

[00:29:33] oh, that's right. And that that's what makes it that I forgot about that. That's what made

[00:29:38] it so jarring is it was basically like, I mean, okay, you brought up strip clubs. It's just like

[00:29:46] it's basically like it sounds like the most hardened stripper trying to like do

[00:29:53] really weird, like why are you doing a child voice? Right? Yeah. I mean,

[00:30:01] and you're spot on with the, that's what I've heard about those places.

[00:30:05] Are they still called strippers? What do you mean? Exotic dancer. They're called strip people now.

[00:30:12] Okay, strip persons. Strip persons. All right, so Alvin, after giving his prized possession to

[00:30:18] this poor sick child that has Alvin's poster on his wall, makes it in time back to finish the

[00:30:23] session Christmas. By the way, this is proof that Dave is not paying his labor. No, definitely.

[00:30:30] They are slaves. But he really is making a good living because they live in a four story house.

[00:30:37] He's exploiting his chip children. That's right. Yes. Children monks. Kid monks. Kid monks.

[00:30:45] Yeah. Christmas time is near. David's a pretty person. They also can't...

[00:30:51] They can't... What? Just keep going. Okay.

[00:31:01] Go ahead, Audrey. I was just remembering how they can't, they don't draw any of the

[00:31:06] humans' faces in three-quarter profile. It's either like face on or perfect profile,

[00:31:13] which looks really strange. Full profile. But it's Chuck Jones, so he gets a little bit of a pass.

[00:31:19] There you go. I feel like it's... I don't know how much Chuck Jones is actually happening there.

[00:31:26] It might be the Chuck Jones version of getting the new recruits from CalArts that are too confused

[00:31:36] to know how to do anything else. It doesn't... Very little about this looks right.

[00:31:43] Agreed, yeah. And the way they animate... Well, from the 80s hand-drawn animation.

[00:31:47] Alvin running through the streets. It looks like he's Casper, the friendly ghost.

[00:31:52] Yeah. His legs are moving so fast they're a blur. He flies around. Well, he's excited.

[00:31:58] Yeah. He thinks I really like the food. Anyway. So later, while the chipmunks are decorating

[00:32:05] the Christmas tree, which waited a little long. It's only a few days before Christmas.

[00:32:09] Simon and Theodore congratulate Alvin. Yeah, that's true. They congratulate Alvin for

[00:32:14] what he did. And Alvin tells Simon and Theodore that they can't tell Dave about the harmonica

[00:32:18] because it was a gift from Dave to Alvin. So you can't tell him because Alvin gave away his gift.

[00:32:24] Despite it being a generous thing, he would feel bad for Dave like as an insult to Dave, right?

[00:32:32] So Alvin's worried about Dave's feelings and he don't want to be hurt if you learned what

[00:32:36] happened. So it's a secret. Is that chipmunk mom that Dave divorced? And the reason we don't

[00:32:42] get that much content is because like he only can see them on weekends and holidays.

[00:32:48] I don't know the origin story of Dave getting the chipmunks. I bet Moncapedia knows. Let me see.

[00:32:54] I bet they do. Keep going, obviously. I feel like it's my guess is that it's a little bit of a

[00:32:58] Bob Ross situation where he rescued some baby squirrels and it just so happened that there

[00:33:04] were three chipmunks this time around. And instead of painting, he's a music producer.

[00:33:10] Yeah. Well, they, they got poisoned by radioactive nuts. Now they can say well,

[00:33:20] a proto-nigit turtles. Yeah.

[00:33:24] Based on what I'm seeing on Moncapedia, the world's authority on the chipmunks,

[00:33:30] both Alvin, Simon and Theodore have the last name Seville.

[00:33:35] Both. So they're adopted. Well, I mean, who knows? My theory is not getting disproven,

[00:33:43] is what I'm telling you. Are you trying to say there's a human trafficking situation here?

[00:33:47] I'm saying it's a chipmunk trafficking situation. And I think that there is a chipmunk mother

[00:33:53] in the picture who we don't see because she hasn't signed the contract.

[00:33:56] Are you suggesting that Dave had intercourse with a chipmunk? Yes, a giant chipmunk.

[00:34:02] A giant radioactive chipmunk. There it is.

[00:34:05] It doesn't have to be radioactive. How do you explain the singing, Jimmy?

[00:34:09] Because it's the only way it makes sense, Jimmy.

[00:34:15] All right. So it feels bad. It gave away Dave's present and Alvin plans to save his money to

[00:34:20] buy a new harmonica after Christmas. But Dave gets a phone call from Carnegie Hall

[00:34:28] and they want Alvin to play his harmonica on Christmas Eve.

[00:34:31] Yes, they specifically want Alvin to do the thing that he is so famous for,

[00:34:38] which is to play the harmonica. Which we've never seen him play before or after.

[00:34:43] Instead of seeing the Nutcracker, we're going to go listen to a harmonica concert.

[00:34:49] I love you. So here's the thing, my new scrutiny upon rewatch

[00:34:53] under the guise of scraping the vault is that they call Dave to say,

[00:34:59] we want Alvin and the chipmunks to play Carnegie Hall on Christmas Eve. So presumably 48 hours from now.

[00:35:06] And whatever the promoter or whatever says, it's a sold out show.

[00:35:11] All 58 of the Rockettes got, they twisted their ankles so they can't perform.

[00:35:17] But here's the thing before the chipmunks. Are you suggesting that they sold tickets

[00:35:21] to a thing before confirming that the talent was revealed?

[00:35:24] Exactly what I'm saying. Oh, it's a sold out show. They want you to play.

[00:35:29] Can you play with your harmonica? It's like how is it sold out before the talent

[00:35:33] even agreed to do it? It's a big switch. They all bought tickets to see like Riverdance or something.

[00:35:39] Yeah. So now because Alvin feels so bad about giving away a harmonica, he can't tell Dave

[00:35:43] he doesn't have a harmonica. So he needs to come up with a plan to buy a harmonica,

[00:35:48] you get money in the next two days before they play for a sold out audience at Carnegie Hall.

[00:35:55] So plan number one, get all the neighborhood dogs and dress them up like the reindeer.

[00:36:03] I've blocked all of this out. Yeah, no, this is good. This is a good,

[00:36:07] you know, if you want something, you gotta work for it. I get it.

[00:36:10] That's right. He's not out there knocking up a liquor store, is he?

[00:36:16] No, he's not. And it's all of this makes so much more sense than I know this is a trend. But here we go.

[00:36:23] Alvin saying, hey Dave, you know, it's Christmas and like there's a thing called the Christmas

[00:36:29] spirit and like, I don't know if there were, I say like a sick child who was a really big fan.

[00:36:36] And if there was any way that I could help them by giving them my harmonica, which by the way,

[00:36:43] you haven't paid us at all. You just pay us in clothing and harmonicas and I think that

[00:36:52] and I think maybe you can find it in yourself to understand that me giving this kid the

[00:36:57] harmonica in order to at the very least make his last four days on this planet somewhat happy

[00:37:04] because I don't know if I gave him rabies. No one's explained how that works to me.

[00:37:09] Could we please just maybe get another harmonica? By the way, the sold out audience

[00:37:16] doesn't care that it's this specific harmonic. We could just go to right aid or whatever the

[00:37:22] equivalent is probably on the East Coast. How about it? Yeah. Let's and Dave, let's be completely

[00:37:29] honest. If they're a sold out crowd for this act, I could probably play a f**king kazoo and

[00:37:36] they would just be like, yeah, look, they're chipmunks. They're singing chipmunks. Anything

[00:37:41] they do is amazing. Yeah. I mean, anything short of us gnawing at the curtains is going to be

[00:37:50] impressive. Now you're talking subsense, Dan. Yes, you are. But then we don't have the rest

[00:37:57] of the special. That's true. I forgot that they read the scripts. That's right. So they

[00:38:01] gather up all the dogs and they have the different breeds of dogs. And you know,

[00:38:06] there are the eight tiny reindeer. They set up a little photo booth with Alvin acting as Santa

[00:38:12] and the kids can pay to get a picture with Santa. Yeah. Why is Santa have to fly?

[00:38:18] And I realized I said, why is Santa have to fly? It's a question that I've been wondering

[00:38:24] myself for chipmunks years. Chipmunks are smaller than children.

[00:38:28] And so Alvin has to be lifted. I'm sorry, I'm just being mean. Go ahead.

[00:38:36] Okay. Well, not the one that did Dave. I dare you to tell this very tall,

[00:38:40] the very small child in my hand that that's true. So the theater is flying Alvin up

[00:38:48] and then the kid sits down and then drops Alvin down into the kid's lap.

[00:38:53] Twist because chipmunks are small. And then the first one is fine, picture great.

[00:38:58] And then the second one Alvin gets dropped down before the child and the fact kid sits on Alvin

[00:39:06] hilarity ensues because fat kids are funny. Inherently. I just want to point out that they

[00:39:13] lost a very good opportunity for actual humor, which would have been Alvin like,

[00:39:19] I mean, I'm just workshopping this. So yeah, and the writers are paid to make it better. So

[00:39:23] what if Alvin's just like standing there on the armrest and the kids come in, they're like,

[00:39:29] what do you mean? You're gonna sit on my lap? Yeah, it's like a twist. And they could talk

[00:39:33] about he has this whole new thing that Santa is doing. And like, I mean, it's just, I mean,

[00:39:38] there are places they can go with that that don't include we have to make Santa fly

[00:39:44] and not really explain it. You've way over thought it more than the writers.

[00:39:52] I'm guilty as guilty once again. Hey, Dan, you know, and Audrey, do you know what

[00:39:59] what dogs don't like? Chipmunks. Oh, cat, I believe cats. Cats. Cats and dogs do not get along.

[00:40:08] No, they love that. Okay. Unfortunately, in this situation, the neighbor's cat shows up and the dogs

[00:40:18] go wild. Hold on. This is an excellent opportunity for the cat who indeed. This is an excellent

[00:40:27] opportunity for us to have a commercial break. In the meantime, while you are of course listening

[00:40:33] to commercial very intently and taking notes, feel free to also after after the break, pause once again.

[00:40:42] And if you have a dog, see if it enjoys any of the things that we've mentioned. And I'm not

[00:40:51] going to say specifically the one that I almost said. Here we go. Goodbye.

[00:40:56] Bye.

[00:41:29] Dan, we're back. How did your dog react? Oh, that's interesting. Oh my God. That is unexpected.

[00:41:36] And then what happened? I'm actually talking to you.

[00:41:43] So the cat ruins everything, but this commotion gets Dave's attention. Okay. And so Dave confronts

[00:41:51] the kids. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're forgetting one thing. Then this in this chain of this food chain

[00:41:58] of animals that are constantly chasing after other animals. They're chipmunks. That's a good point.

[00:42:06] There's cats and dogs. I mean, dogs famously also enjoy chasing small things, hence the cat

[00:42:13] thing. Right. That's a good point. I'm just listening to you. But they know that these

[00:42:17] are special sentient singing chipmunks. They know this. So listen, if you don't know how the world

[00:42:23] works, I'm going to let you in on a little something. The dogs, they chase everything,

[00:42:29] not just specifically cats. Cars. Yeah. Like if you're going to tell them, if the dog, yep,

[00:42:35] if the dog were to chase after a cat and you were to say, hold on dog, that is in fact not

[00:42:40] a cat. They wouldn't go like, oh, okay, then never mind. Dogs chase their tails. Dogs are dumb.

[00:42:48] Have you seen what dogs eat if you let them? Yes, I have. And it's adorable. Okay. So Dave's like,

[00:42:57] what do you guys do? And Simon and Theodore promised Alvin that they wouldn't tell Dave

[00:43:02] what he did, that kindness piece of generosity. But again, open something opportunity for

[00:43:10] especially Simon. Simon, I blame Simon for this because he's the smart one. He could have been

[00:43:15] like, okay. Because he wears glasses. Yeah. I mean, there you go. He'd been like, okay, Dave, look,

[00:43:19] you know how Alvin's kind of a good hearted idiot, but he's an idiot. Yeah. He doesn't want me to

[00:43:25] tell you this, but I'm smart. See the glasses. Speaky, squeaky, clean some a little bit. And

[00:43:29] he goes, I need to tell you about something and it's going to sound a little weird, but

[00:43:35] hold on. It's going to end up okay. And Theodore is just like eating himself silly in the background.

[00:43:44] And then time passes because, you know, he's really smart. So he has like,

[00:43:49] spreadsheets and all sorts of things. He's so smart that like it's ridiculous. And then Dave,

[00:43:57] camera goes to Dave and he goes, you know, I didn't understand about 80% of what you just said,

[00:44:03] but I get the point and you're right. We should just go to Walgreens and get another harmonica

[00:44:11] for the harmonica solo at the sold out show. For the sold out Carnegie Hall show.

[00:44:17] That performance will pay for 400 harmonicas. Right. Exactly. Okay. All from hatch sales.

[00:44:25] What actually happened was that Dave misunderstood these behaviors for greed and sends Alvin to his room.

[00:44:36] Okay. So this leads to Alvin in one of the strangest holiday special sequences.

[00:44:44] Alvin has a dream because he's trying to figure out how to raise money

[00:44:48] because sold out performance Carnegie Hall. He dreams about Clyde Crash Cup who says he

[00:44:56] invented Christmas or he's in the process of inventing Christmas, which is now February 12th

[00:45:01] and Santa is Abraham Lincoln because he's a man with a hat and a beard.

[00:45:06] So bizarre.

[00:45:08] In the sleigh that consists of a hollowed out pumpkin pulled by four elephants.

[00:45:12] I'm not gonna lie. This is not a terrible bit.

[00:45:15] Yeah, I figured you'd like it. It's funny. The Clyde Crash Cup is clever and he's inventing Christmas.

[00:45:23] Anyway, it's very bizarre.

[00:45:26] It is very bizarre.

[00:45:27] If they would have spent a hair more time thinking about it and fleshing out the concept,

[00:45:34] this could have been the entire movie.

[00:45:36] Could have been.

[00:45:37] But it wasn't.

[00:45:37] There are some good gags. There are some good sightings.

[00:45:41] Some good sight gags.

[00:45:44] Anyway, he's telling I need money and he says I haven't invented money yet.

[00:45:48] But when Dave like, he's like maybe I was too hard on Alvin and he goes upstairs and Alvin's like

[00:45:54] money, I need money.

[00:45:56] As he's sleeping, Dave's like I give up.

[00:46:00] Also, just sorry, I'm punching this up a bunch.

[00:46:04] Dave should suspect that Alvin is on drugs.

[00:46:09] Yes.

[00:46:09] Should he?

[00:46:10] It was a big problem in New York in the 80s.

[00:46:14] The whole thing turns to this weird social commentary.

[00:46:17] He's being real shady. His brothers are trying to protect him.

[00:46:20] He puts smoke cigarettes at like 12.

[00:46:22] Yeah. Oh yeah. They hand them out. They teach you how to do it in third grade.

[00:46:26] Yeah, there you go.

[00:46:30] Then they start you with the light 100s, you know, in menthol of course.

[00:46:35] All right.

[00:46:39] And the whole, at the end of the episode, like the credits run, no, before the credits run,

[00:46:45] Dave and the chipmunks are sitting on set.

[00:46:48] Like it's clearly a set and they're like, we hope you've enjoyed our story.

[00:46:54] We want to talk to you about the serious problem, the epidemic of angel dust in our inner city.

[00:47:00] Yeah. Maybe the harmonica is a euphemism for drugs.

[00:47:06] Oh yeah. Blow on this, wink.

[00:47:09] Golden Echo harmonica.

[00:47:11] The chipmunks all have normal voices.

[00:47:14] Like yes, it's a real problem.

[00:47:17] They were playing characters in the movie.

[00:47:20] They're all looking straight at the camera in that weird poorly drawn cartoon way that looks

[00:47:27] like where you're like, I thought that character had a nose.

[00:47:32] Not when you draw it straight on.

[00:47:34] Yeah, exactly.

[00:47:37] All of these things would make this so much more enjoyable.

[00:47:42] For you maybe.

[00:47:43] Yeah.

[00:47:45] Okay, so Christmas Eve, this is the end of the show.

[00:47:49] We're two hours before the concert.

[00:47:51] And Simon and Theodore give Alvin everything they've saved up

[00:47:55] and when Theodore gives Alvin his money, turns out he gave him a cookie because he used all his money to buy cookies.

[00:48:03] That's right.

[00:48:04] And Simon gave him whatever he had left.

[00:48:07] Yeah.

[00:48:07] Not nearly enough money to buy the harmonica.

[00:48:09] He's smart enough to have a real job.

[00:48:11] Why didn't he get a job?

[00:48:14] Well, he's already invented XL software according to Dan.

[00:48:20] What a cheap scheme.

[00:48:20] So upon being asked where Alvin is, they responded he's not here right now.

[00:48:26] Luckily, just as Dave's complaining, he gets a phone call from Tommy's mother.

[00:48:31] Her name is Mrs. Waterford.

[00:48:34] She tells Dave about Alvin's generosity in the harmonica and wonders if it and the wonders it worked on Tommy.

[00:48:43] Hold on.

[00:48:43] I just want to make sure that I'm remembering this correctly.

[00:48:47] She's calling him at Carnegie Hall, right?

[00:48:49] No, no, no.

[00:48:49] They're at home.

[00:48:51] They need to go.

[00:48:51] That makes slightly more sense.

[00:48:53] It's time to leave to go to the concert.

[00:48:55] Alvin's not there.

[00:48:56] And then he just is about to get upset.

[00:48:58] Mrs. Waterford called and we just get the one-sided conversation.

[00:49:02] He's like, Alvin's harmonica, working wonders on Tommy?

[00:49:06] Turns out Alvin has anti-Rabies in his mouth.

[00:49:10] Or if we're going with the possession scheme, the harmonica is secretly like holy purification

[00:49:17] light harmonica.

[00:49:20] Angels fly out of it.

[00:49:22] It's made from the wood, from the cross that Jesus hung from.

[00:49:27] So remember a few minutes ago when Dan suggested how the story should go?

[00:49:32] We got there.

[00:49:33] Okay.

[00:49:33] That's where we get there.

[00:49:35] The mom says this is what happened and the boys presumably explain it to Dave because

[00:49:40] before we cut away to Alvin in the department store trying to get the harmonica,

[00:49:43] Dave says, okay boys, time to tell me the truth.

[00:49:46] We cut to Alvin who's in the department store.

[00:49:47] We're on drugs, Dave.

[00:49:51] We need help.

[00:49:52] That's why he's out of my mind.

[00:49:55] And then Dave was like, hey, me too.

[00:49:58] The end.

[00:49:59] The end.

[00:50:01] Listeners, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real problem in our society.

[00:50:06] That's where we cut to the...

[00:50:08] Yeah.

[00:50:09] All right.

[00:50:09] So Alvin is depressed.

[00:50:11] He's at the music store.

[00:50:12] He still doesn't have enough money.

[00:50:13] Hold on.

[00:50:13] I'm sorry.

[00:50:14] I don't mean to...

[00:50:15] Oh, I do meant to keep interrupting you.

[00:50:18] We haven't covered that Mrs. Waterford just knows the number to call.

[00:50:24] Presumably friends.

[00:50:27] Are they?

[00:50:28] Well, Tom is obsessed with Alvin.

[00:50:30] Alvin knows his kid enough to know where he lives and to give him a harmonica.

[00:50:33] They're doing a sold out show at Carnegie Hall.

[00:50:36] Apparently a lot of people like Alvin.

[00:50:38] Yeah.

[00:50:38] Well, that's true.

[00:50:39] Maybe he's a super fan.

[00:50:40] I don't know.

[00:50:41] He puts his arm around Mrs. Waterford at the end.

[00:50:44] Yeah, that's really weird.

[00:50:46] I think that they're dating.

[00:50:48] That's my theory.

[00:50:50] Maybe.

[00:50:50] Anyway, so Alvin's at the music store.

[00:50:52] He's depressed.

[00:50:53] Read my fan fiction to find out.

[00:50:57] I'm writing it with chat GPT.

[00:51:01] It's David Seville and Mrs. Waterford of an item.

[00:51:05] I'm going to be muted for a little bit.

[00:51:07] I will be looking this up.

[00:51:08] So just then a strange old woman appears out of nowhere and buys the harmonica for Alvin.

[00:51:15] Yeah.

[00:51:16] Now she says, listen, I'm an old lady.

[00:51:19] I just want to buy a harmonica for a chipmunk.

[00:51:23] That's all I want.

[00:51:24] And you don't have to pay me.

[00:51:26] The only thing I need in return is for you to play a song on this harmonica.

[00:51:32] Not a beautiful thing.

[00:51:32] So he plays the song.

[00:51:33] That that old lady did this.

[00:51:34] He plays Silent Night on the harmonica.

[00:51:36] And then Dave and Simon in theater show up and like, hey, heard all about the great things.

[00:51:43] And she's he's like, oh, this lady, this kind old lady gave me this harmonica.

[00:51:47] Wait, she disappeared.

[00:51:50] She disappeared.

[00:51:52] There's more on that later.

[00:51:54] So Dave apologizes to Alvin for mistaking Alvin's actions for greed

[00:51:59] and tells him that they have a surprise for him.

[00:52:03] Alvin, Dave and Ultimat.

[00:52:07] I wrote a story about Alvin and Dave's reaction to the incident when it happened

[00:52:11] and how they cope with their sadness.

[00:52:15] What?

[00:52:16] What?

[00:52:18] Uh-huh.

[00:52:18] Nothing about Mrs. Waterford.

[00:52:20] Who's Ultimat?

[00:52:22] I'm still looking.

[00:52:23] Ultimat.

[00:52:24] It's, well, actually, if you want to know more about Ultimat,

[00:52:27] you can listen to, uh, Boey's planning, oddly enough.

[00:52:32] Our Managed Old The World album includes some Ultimat talk and that will come out in a few months.

[00:52:39] Anyway, Ultimat was a music festival that was kind of a cash grabby part in the pun

[00:52:49] response, I guess, to Woodstock.

[00:52:51] They were like, hey, these dirty stupid hippies will come watch anything.

[00:52:56] Let's put together another music and arts festival in Ultimat, California,

[00:53:02] and involve the Rolling Stones.

[00:53:04] It's a whole thing.

[00:53:05] And it's basically just like a series of comedic but not comedic and terrible errors happen.

[00:53:14] And they end up like, oh, we need to change location suddenly.

[00:53:19] And oh no, we need to, we can't find anyone to do security.

[00:53:23] And then someone on, I believe it was Mick Jagger, was just like,

[00:53:27] what if we get the Hell's Angels to do security?

[00:53:31] Now this was 1969.

[00:53:32] Hell's Angels were not the sweethearts that they are now.

[00:53:36] And Whackiness Insued and Listen to What I'm Planning.

[00:53:40] Now available on all the podcast things.

[00:53:43] Great.

[00:53:44] So like Fire Festival in the 60s.

[00:53:48] Yes, but it actually happened.

[00:53:51] That's amazing.

[00:53:52] Yeah.

[00:53:54] All right, so we cut to the concert, sold out show at Carnegie Hall.

[00:53:58] And as Alvin's coming off stage from playing his Silent Night solo,

[00:54:03] or a prese if you will, Alvin learns that Tommy has fully recovered.

[00:54:08] He was going to die 72 hours before.

[00:54:13] So then Alvin brings Tommy on stage and they all play.

[00:54:17] Hold on, custody battle chapter five, Alvin the chipmunks.

[00:54:21] It's making sure that I am actually a person.

[00:54:24] Here we go.

[00:54:26] When Dave leaves the boys for half an hour causing them to be in an accident,

[00:54:30] Vinnie believing Dave is a bad father takes them to court to battle for full custody of the boys.

[00:54:38] Yes, here we go.

[00:54:39] These outside the court Dave was going through the case with Mrs. Waterford and the

[00:54:43] boys were in their best suits.

[00:54:46] They had been dreading this since Dave told them last night.

[00:54:50] Right, Mrs. Waterford.

[00:54:51] I claim that the boys are better off with me because I have raised them so far and she

[00:54:56] abandoned them on my doorstep.

[00:54:59] So whoa, custody battle between Mrs. Waterford.

[00:55:02] Mrs. Waterford's their real mom.

[00:55:04] What?

[00:55:04] Well, according to chipmunks for the number four ever 1958,

[00:55:12] which I do not doubt is that person's birthday.

[00:55:16] Get them on the podcast now.

[00:55:18] Okay, chipmunks forever 1950.

[00:55:20] Hold on.

[00:55:21] Let's see if I can communicate with them.

[00:55:25] I am not registering for this site so I can PM this person.

[00:55:28] Sorry.

[00:55:31] Okay, so one sentence left.

[00:55:34] At the end Santa Claus flies over the city as the chipmunks sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

[00:55:38] So clearly the concert gone to midnight because Santa doesn't come out till midnight.

[00:55:43] Uh, before returning to the North Pole where he is greeted by his wife, who's his wife?

[00:55:50] None other than the same old woman who bought Alvin the Harmonica.

[00:55:55] Yes, I love this for her.

[00:55:57] She's a boss queen.

[00:55:58] She flies around and makes joy.

[00:56:01] And Santa's like, you need to get out more.

[00:56:03] And she's like, oh no, dear, that's for you.

[00:56:06] I'm a homebody.

[00:56:07] I'm just an old lady.

[00:56:09] And humble too.

[00:56:12] Oh, is that the sister?

[00:56:17] That is a chipmunk Christmas, ladies and gentlemen.

[00:56:20] Thank you.

[00:56:21] It's been ruined forever.

[00:56:24] Titanic, a right to remember.

[00:56:26] Decided to rewrite to include elements of the 1958 movie as well as adding Claire to balance

[00:56:32] out the love interest of the three days.

[00:56:35] What?

[00:56:37] The I don't know.

[00:56:39] I wonder what kind of story.

[00:56:40] So Eleanor's, I wonder what kind of story Dave is going to tell us.

[00:56:43] Asked Eleanor seven minutes later in her spring green nightgown with Puffy show.

[00:56:48] My goodness.

[00:56:50] Brittany had on a long sleeved pink nightgown with the flat cut.

[00:56:54] Okay, hold on.

[00:56:56] Spring heel Jack username on fanfiction.net.

[00:57:04] I need you to know that this is help exists.

[00:57:10] Look, I this is there's a I'm not reading anymore.

[00:57:20] Okay, because it's bad.

[00:57:22] And I don't mean bad isn't poorly written.

[00:57:24] I mean, it is but there's help better help.com.

[00:57:28] Yeah, another one of our sponsors better help.org.

[00:57:34] Okay, so that's the end.

[00:57:39] And while you watch this delightful touching warm holiday special, you will need to be laying

[00:57:46] it on thick.

[00:57:46] Please enjoy chipmunk mountain IPA 6.4 alcohol by volume 50 IB use.

[00:57:56] It's from hell bent brewing company in Seattle, Washington.

[00:57:59] You know about it.

[00:57:59] I'm sure Audrey.

[00:58:00] Yeah.

[00:58:01] Just a heads up.

[00:58:02] If you're heading to Canada, chipmunk mountain does not contain nearly as many chipmunks as

[00:58:08] the name would imply.

[00:58:10] It's chipmunk mountain IPA.

[00:58:12] If you're looking for a nice bitter IPA chipmunk mountain IPA delivers big time.

[00:58:18] It's our first use of anchovy hops, which is also not true to its name.

[00:58:24] Thankfully, anchovy hops bring a watermelon candy and raspberry flavor to the mix,

[00:58:29] which we finished off by dry hopping with McKenzie

[00:58:35] Comet sorry in Simcoe for big flavors of grapefruit, pine, apricot and lemongrass.

[00:58:41] Oh, that's a side benefit.

[00:58:43] It will be fun to tell your friends here try this.

[00:58:47] It has anchovy in it.

[00:58:51] That's it.

[00:58:52] That's what we're drinking.

[00:58:52] What are we eating Audrey?

[00:58:53] That's good.

[00:58:55] Well, gosh, get your taste buds ready.

[00:58:59] We're going to have some shrimp ceviche because chipmunks are small and short like shrimp.

[00:59:05] Ceviche because it's really sharp and tangy and acidic, which is the feeling that I get

[00:59:11] listening to the chipmunks talk.

[00:59:15] We're going to throw in some grilled corn because

[00:59:22] Billy Joel Alvin is a harmonica player and Billy Joel's favorite foods include grilled

[00:59:27] corn. So grilled corn, shrimp ceviche.

[00:59:32] Wait, is that a real thing?

[00:59:34] Her thing wasn't, I think mine is.

[00:59:37] Clams?

[00:59:37] He carries his own clams with him that he or oysters, excuse me.

[00:59:42] He catches his own oysters and he brings them to restaurants and have them cook them for him.

[00:59:47] Oh, does he catch them on his downyster, Alexa?

[00:59:50] That's right.

[00:59:50] I think oyster Bay Long Island.

[00:59:52] Good job, Dan.

[00:59:53] That actually sounds pretty neat.

[00:59:54] Stay tuned for what's my Billy Joel podcast going to be called?

[00:59:57] This music is awful.

[01:00:02] I'm kidding.

[01:00:03] I don't actually hate Billy Joel.

[01:00:05] I just like to pretend I do because it's fun.

[01:00:07] Because I love him so much.

[01:00:10] All right, Dan, what are we going to be listening to while we're eating our delicious

[01:00:13] ceviche and drinking our anchovie beer?

[01:00:16] We are going to be listening to the actual David's, well, that's a stage name,

[01:00:21] but he's that's a stage name he went by consistently.

[01:00:26] Performing a little song called Witch Doctor, and this was recorded in the 50s.

[01:00:33] And I just wanted that we're going to have a little imagination moment.

[01:00:36] Think to yourself what the cover art in the 50s or 60s, I don't honestly quite, oh 58.

[01:00:46] In 1958, the cover art for a song called Witch Doctor, what would that possibly look like?

[01:00:53] And if you're imagining something and you think to yourself, yeah,

[01:01:00] that there's no way that would pass today, then you're pretty close.

[01:01:05] And you have probably heard this song before.

[01:01:10] It goes, this is what it is.

[01:01:23] So apparently, Mr. David Seville discovered this and people were like, oh, it sounds funny.

[01:01:38] That means I like it because, you know, nothing changes and people are always drawn to stupid crap.

[01:01:44] He was like, I know what if I did chipmunks and there were three of them and one had glasses

[01:01:55] and the other one was fat and the other one was like selfish or something.

[01:02:01] What if we did that? And people were like, yeah, that's good.

[01:02:05] Take my money.

[01:02:07] And that man's name was Ross Bagdasarian.

[01:02:13] Yeah.

[01:02:13] He invented the chipmunks from that song.

[01:02:16] Bagdasarian.

[01:02:19] Where is that last name from?

[01:02:22] Sounds great.

[01:02:23] No idea.

[01:02:24] Yeah.

[01:02:24] And then his son is who did this special and he is David Seville in this and he's also Alvin and Simon.

[01:02:32] Yep, it's a family curse.

[01:02:34] All right.

[01:02:36] All right.

[01:02:36] So I just wanted to read you a couple of reviews of the Supreme Scrape from the Vault.

[01:02:44] Oh boy.

[01:02:47] I don't know if I've read these before, so if I have, I apologize but I don't remember.

[01:02:52] This one is from Boo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Boo.

[01:02:56] Wait, hold on.

[01:02:57] Boo, Bo, Bo, Boo, Boo.

[01:02:58] Boo, Bo, Bo, Boo, Boo.

[01:03:01] Boo, Bo, Bo, Ting, Tang, Walla Walla, Big Bang.

[01:03:04] Great.

[01:03:06] GR8, great.

[01:03:07] This podcast is The Cream of the Crop If You're Into Creams and Crops That Is.

[01:03:14] Okay.

[01:03:15] This one, they're five stars.

[01:03:16] This one is from Terry Clough who's reviewed Supreme Resort.

[01:03:21] His review titled More Satisfying Than Barbecued Grebe.

[01:03:27] As a disgraced ornithologist, I am an authority on all things avian.

[01:03:33] Not only can I distinguish a forster's turn from a Caspian turn,

[01:03:40] I can also identify which chablis pairs best with friccazede hummingbird.

[01:03:48] Unfortunately, in the uptight ornithological community, consuming specimens is generally frowned upon.

[01:03:55] After being caught gnashing a nut hatch, I was ejected from the American Ornithological Society

[01:04:05] and now find myself with ample free time to weep and moan about my tarnished reputation.

[01:04:10] That's where scraping the vault comes in.

[01:04:15] With no substitute for-

[01:04:17] I know, Terry Clough, you're wonderful.

[01:04:19] Yeah, very wonderful.

[01:04:20] Hold on, before we continue, Terry Clough, this goes out to you.

[01:04:24] Oh, Terry.

[01:04:25] Terry Clough is a scraping the vault all star.

[01:04:29] By the way, Frank, I'll get back to him.

[01:04:32] He's another all star.

[01:04:33] He's in everything.

[01:04:34] While no substitute for eating live finches, it is a delightful podcast full of wit and warmth

[01:04:40] that diverts me from my shame.

[01:04:44] I commend the hosts for their work and eagerly await each episode.

[01:04:48] Three thumbs up.

[01:04:49] Five stars.

[01:04:51] Wow.

[01:04:52] Terry Clough is delightful.

[01:04:53] Terry Clough is wonderful.

[01:04:53] Frank Welker is his name.

[01:04:54] He's in everything.

[01:04:55] He's in this too.

[01:05:00] So there you go.

[01:05:00] Five stars.

[01:05:01] People like the show.

[01:05:02] Great.

[01:05:03] Especially among the ornithological world.

[01:05:06] That's right.

[01:05:10] Anyway, so that is a Chipman Christmas.

[01:05:12] Thank you, Dan and Audrey, for indulging me.

[01:05:15] I didn't even ask how you felt about it because I don't care.

[01:05:19] I actually really enjoyed it.

[01:05:20] I thought it was great.

[01:05:23] I was glad when it was over.

[01:05:26] I love that too.

[01:05:27] It was very short.

[01:05:29] I thought it was short.

[01:05:30] Let's say that.

[01:05:31] Yeah, that's why I chose it specifically.

[01:05:33] Because just when you're about to gouge your eyes out,

[01:05:36] needers out.

[01:05:36] It's over.

[01:05:37] It's very hamster-fisted because they have a short amount of time

[01:05:42] to get the message across.

[01:05:47] Speaking of gouging our eyes out, the next episode we are going to be joined by Eric,

[01:05:52] who is also from Bowie's Planning.

[01:05:53] Go ahead and watch Labyrinth, a movie I hate.

[01:05:57] I'm really looking forward to that.

[01:05:59] I've never seen Labyrinth.

[01:06:01] A movie I am able to recognize is whimsical and enjoyable,

[01:06:06] but for being a David Bowie fan reasons, I find super depressing.

[01:06:11] I remember you saying that.

[01:06:12] Are you going to watch the prestige on that show?

[01:06:16] Yeah, we're eventually, I think, going to go through all of this movies.

[01:06:21] Well, in the meantime, other shows to listen to on the network,

[01:06:24] Gears Up, and The In-Depth, and The Peony Pod,

[01:06:26] and Supreme Resort, of course.

[01:06:30] Next episode of the Supreme Resort will be Christmas on Main Street.

[01:06:33] And Main Street Vehicles.

[01:06:35] And Main Street Vehicles.

[01:06:36] I have so much to talk about involving horses.

[01:06:39] And there's a Star Wars show, I think.

[01:06:43] And yeah, so happy holidays everybody.

[01:06:45] Thank you for listening and...

[01:06:54] Someone take this away from Jimmy.

[01:06:58] Until next time.